I'll See You In My Dreams
by WakeUpSunshine
Summary: AU. Ryan's gone off to war leaving Taylor alone to deal with everything. But what happens when something happens to Ryan, can Taylor handle him being hurt?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay I would like to clear something up before I start this fic. At first there will be LOTS of flashbacks because Taylor remembering her time with Ryan. I am NOT killing Ryan. I couldn't do it. He won't be gone the whole story either. Well you'll just have to read. **

Chapter 1

Its been a year since she's seen him. A year since she's felt his touch on her skin. A year since she married him and a year since he'd gone off to war. They were high school sweet hearts. Married two days after graduation, two days before he left her to defend his country. She laid back in her bed, the bed she hated since it was in her dorm at the college he had dreamed of them going to together. Taylor Townsend had married Ryan Atwood so he would know that when he returned home after two years across the world fighting she would still be there loving him.

She needed him to know she would wait for him. So she lived through his letters and I love you's in those letter's. Taylor absently twisted her wedding ring around her finger before looking over at the clock on her nightstand. 3 am. Suddenly her room mate opened the door of their door as she stumbled.

"You're still up?" she stopped abruptly staring at a wide awake Taylor. "I can't sleep."

"Still worried about Newport?" Taylor hadn't even thought about the summer approaching her in Newport. The town where she met her husband. The town she graduated from. Where she found our what best friends meant.

"Oh, Olivia! I haven't even thought of that!" Taylor cried pulling the covers over her face. "Taylor, sooner or later you'll have to face it."

"I know I just really miss him." Taylor pouted. "Only one more year." Olivia tried. "What if he comes home and doesn't love me anymore." She pulled the covers back down. "Are you serious?!"

"its been a year..." Taylor trailed off. "Yeah and how many letters has he sent you? How many times does he say I love you in those letters? You're nuts if you think he won't love you."

"I know. I just want him home in my arms." Taylor cried. "Oh baby, he will be." Olivia walked over to the girl that had become her best friend in the past year. "Thanks Olivia. I'm going to miss you." Taylor cried holding on to Olivia.

She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be in this town where every where she seemed to go reminded her of him. She hadn't been here since last summer. Now here she was getting out of her car in front of the Cohen's house where she'd be staying that summer. She wasn't sure that she really wanted to stay in the pool house where they said she could stay. The pool house where Ryan had lived had far too many memories of the time she spent with Ryan.

Taylor shut her car door before smoothing out her clothes. She didn't want to go in. She wanted to go back to Berkeley. She wanted to go back to the comforts of her dorm room with her new best friend and just stay there. But that wasn't an option.

The only other option was to go to her moms house and that was not happening. Well actually it wasn't even an option. Her mom wouldn't let her stay there anyway even if she asked.

She decided against walking through the main house. Instead she reached the pool house as she closed her eyes and opened the door. She smiled at one of the biggest memories here, besides where they made love to each other for the first time.

"_I love you so much, Taylor." Ryan breathed into her ear. Taylor's body shivered at his touch. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind before she leaned her head against his chest. "Marry me." She thought she was hearing things but then he repeated it. "Marry me." She turned around instantly as he caught her in his arms again. "Ryan." She moaned. "I love you. I want to know that when I get home you'll still be here waiting for me. I want to know that once I'm back you'll still love me like you do now." He smiled. They were standing in the middle of the pool house watching the rain fall against the windows. They would be graduating high school in a month and then Ryan would be off to war and Taylor would spend her summer without him. Then she'd go to Berkeley like she had planned all along. "Alright." She giggled. "Really?" His face lit up. "Really. I love you and even if we didn't get married I would ALWAYS wait for you Ryan. You're the only guy I'll ever in my life love." She kissed him hard on the lips. _

Taylor took in the surroundings of the pool house. This had been her safe place since Sophomore year of high school. This had been the place she ran to when her mother's boyfriend would hit her or try something more. This was the place she fell in love with Ryan. They'd sit and talk for hours.

Becoming best friends at first but soon becoming much more than that. She looked over at the bed. That bed had a lot more memories than anything else in the room. She smiled to herself remembering the first night they'd spent together. Then she remembered the many nights after that they'd spent together there in that same exact bed. She needed to be wrapped in his smell but she knew better than to get into that bed because it wouldn't smell like him. It would smell like laundry soap. Taylor walked out of the room and into the sun. She glanced over at the pool and memories flooded to her again.

"_So, how many kids do you want?" It was an odd question coming from Ryan but Taylor looked over at him and smiled. They had just gotten into the pool a few minutes before. She swam over to where he was before answering him. "Two, a boy that looks like you and…" "A girl that looks just like you." He smiled wrapping his arms around her. "Sounds perfect." He kissed the top of her head. _

Taylor walked into the Cohen's kitchen where she found Sandy and Kirsten at the table. "Taylor!" Kirsten immediately jumped up from her chair to hug the girl that had become like her daughter. "I've missed you so much!" Taylor cried hugging the woman she thought of as a mother.

"I invited you for Thanksgiving and Christmas…" Kirsten pulled away from the 19 year old. "I know, I just had a bunch of things I needed to catch up on at school. I'm sorry, Kirsten."

"Taylor." Sandy stood up from the table. "Hey Sandy." She smiled walking over and hugging the man. "Heard from Ryan lately?" The aging man asked. "Yeah, I just got a letter yesterday." She smiled thinking about it. "Then we should getting one soon." Sandy laughed. "Should be." Taylor shrugged leaving the two of them in the kitchen as she made her way for the stairs and up to Seth's room.

"Taylor Atwood!" Seth laughed as Taylor bounded into his room where he was laying back on his bed reading a comic. "Seth Cohen." She laughed walking over and hugging the guy who over the years she'd come close to as friends. "So where's Summer?" Taylor's hands went to her hips.

"She'll be here in a few hours. She wanted to spend some time with her dad." He shrugged as Taylor made him scoot over so she could sit next to him.

"So has Ryan written you?" She asked taking the comic from his hands. "Yeah, I got a letter today." He pulled it out from under his bed. "You keep your letters from him there?" She asked. "Sure do." He sighed handing it to her. "No, it's yours. I don't need to read it." She smiled handing it back. "Alright." He said sadly before putting it back under the bed where it was safe.

"I miss him so much, Seth. I don't know how he could leave me like this. It's been a year and I still can't grasp this." Taylor cried. Tears ran down her cheeks creating streaks on her face.

"It's just something he had to do Taylor. His dad fought, his grandpa fought. He thought that maybe it was supposed to go down the blood line or something I guess. But one more year and he'll be back." Seth tried to comfort her but he knew that no words he said would help.

"I know." She tried to smile through the tears but it wasn't working. Nothing was working. The only thing that would help her was to hold him. To kiss him. To hear his reassuring voice telling her that they would make it through anything.

"Atwood!" Summer squealed as she saw Taylor on Seth's bed. Taylor jumped up and hugged the girl who had introduced her to Ryan Atwood. "I've missed you, Summer!" Taylor cried holding onto her. "I've missed you too. So how's Berkeley?" Summer asked pulling apart from Taylor.

"Lonely. How's Brown? Must be nice going there together…" Taylor looked down at her hands picking absently at her fingernails. "Aww, Taylor." Summer hugged her again. "I'm like a broken record." Taylor tried to laugh. "I would be too." Summer assured her.

"So what do we want for dinner?" Kirsten went through the take out menus glancing up at the three teenagers standing in front of her. It was strange all three of them there without Ryan. "Oh Chinese sounds good!" Seth and Summer said in unison. Taylor just laughed before feeling a pang of loneliness go through her body.

"I'm not hungry." Taylor turned around and walked out of the kitchen to the pool house. "Taylor." Summer knocked on the pool house door. Taylor was sitting on the bed watching the TV, or rather staring at the TV she wasn't even paying attention.

"Yeah?" Taylor turned her attention to Summer. "He'll be back soon." Summer walked over and sat on the bed next to Taylor.

"Everyone keeps saying that, Sum but even though you guys are close to him you have no idea what I'm going through right now. I'm in pain. Sometimes I wonder if we didn't get married if I would still feel this same pain. I wonder if maybe it would be a bit easier because there's a chance he could die…" Taylor choked. "Don't think like that!" Summer snapped. "How can I not, Summer? How can I not?!" Taylor cried.

"I don't know, Taylor but thinking like that is not helping your situation at all. Do you love him?" Taylor nodded. "Then you were meant to be married to him. Even if you waited years from now it wouldn't matter." Summer tried.

"Thanks, Summer." Taylor tried to smile. "No problem, Atwood." Summer smiled pulling Taylor into another hug.

"So what do you want to do today?" Seth walked into the pool house where Taylor was making the bed from the previous night. "Oh is that for me?" She asked pointing to the extra cup of coffee in Seth's hands. "Sure is." He handed it over to her. "Thank you." She sat down on the now made bed. "No problem. Summer's on her way over." He told her sitting in the chair across from the bed.

"How about lunch at the diner and then the beach?" Seth suggested. "I don't know…" She trailed off. "Why did you make her cry." Summer came up behind Seth slapping him on the back of his head.

"I didn't mean to! I just mentioned the diner and the beach and she totally shut down on me!" Taylor ignored them as she walked over to the night stand picking up Ryan's latest letter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two. Here's Ryan's first letter. I didn't go into too much detail because I want to save that for the later chapters. I realized in my last one I accidently kept it italicized. Which is always an accident. So I hope you could read through that and know what is what. I'll edit it later.**

**i hope you like this fic! **

**it's so sad to write because I hate having Ryan and Taylor apart!**

Chapter 2

_Dear Taylor,_

_In just a few short days we'll be married a year. I don't know how I've made it a year without you. Without feeling you in my arms or feeling your tongue against mine. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I can't wait to get home. So I can hold you and love you properly. I don't think we should leave the bed for days possibly weeks once I'm back. But, I can't talk about that because then I realized I still have 12 months of this without you. _

_It's rough out here, but I'm managing it. It's even worse because you aren't with me. But I wouldn't want you in this mess. It's not fair. I'm so stubborn, Taylor. You tried telling me not to join. But I wouldn't listen because I thought I was doing the right thing. I've told you this in so many letters but I just feel like I need to repeat it all or rewrite it for this matter. _

_I just want to be home where we can finally start our lives. I want to go to Berkeley with you. I want to have a family with you. Everything with you. I'm sorry I set us back a couple of years but when I'm home it's going to be us, just us for a long time. I promise. I cant wait until night most days because at least I can see you in my dreams. My dreams are all I have to hold on to you. _

_There's a picture of you I keep in my pocket to remind me that I have an amazing wife to come home to. God, Taylor I miss you more and more each day. You're keeping me sane here. I love you Taylor Atwood and I'll be home before you know it! Just to hold you. Just to see your amazing body. I know you're waiting for me and you're probably in Newport now, tell everyone I miss them so much. If you see the Coopers tell them I'm doing okay. You know I was thinking about once I get home and I was thinking that we could get an apartment together or a house whatever you want. It's your choice, amazingly gorgeous wife of mine. I'll write again as soon as I possibly can. I hope you're doing good there without me. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!_

_Love,_

_Your husband _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Taylor pulled Ryan's letter close to her heart before putting it in the box with all of the others. She had kept every single one and some nights when it go to be too much for her to handle she's pull the box out and read each of those letters possibly twice some times three times. It was all she had, and her dreams. They both had their dreams. The dreams that brought them together if only for a few hours.

"Taylor." Summer's hand moved in front of her face. "Yes?" Taylor looked up at the brown eyed girl. "Where did you go just then?" She asked sitting on the bed beside her.

"Here." Taylor pulled the box out from under the bed. "Are these all the letters he's written?" Summer asked as Taylor sat the box in Summer's lap.

"Every single one, I could never get rid of these." Taylor tried to smile through the hurt. "I can't really imagine what you're going through, I don't know how I'd act without Seth. He's my everything…" Summer looked over at Taylor.

"Remember our wedding day?" Taylor asked smiling. "God, Taylor how could I forget that day? Everything started out as a disaster!"

"I know at first I thought it was a sign and then suddenly everything worked out." Taylor sighed thinking about that day.

"_Summer! My dress!" Taylor cried as she looked down at the her town wedding dress. "I'll fix it! Stay still!" Summer cried as Taylor kept turning around trying to look at the back of the dress. They had gone all out, obviously this would be the only time either of them got married. They wanted it to be special. Plus Kirsten wouldn't have it any other way. _

"_This day is a disaster Summer! First the limo breaks down on the way to the Church. Then I throw up because I'm so nervous! Summer I don't know if I can do this!" Taylor cried as a tear ran down her a cheek. _

"_You can do this! I did not waste my time helping Kirsten with this wedding for you to just leave." _

"_I can do this." Taylor let out a breath. "Yes, you can. Now your dressed is fixed and I think we need to redo that make up since you have cried for the billionth time! Just think in 30 minutes you'll be Mrs. Ryan Atwood, you've dreamed of this since sophomore year of high school. Both of you deserve this more than anyone I know. Now come on and let's finish this all up so you can get married!" _

"I couldn't have gotten married without you." Taylor wiped the tear that had fallen from her eye. "I know, you were wanting to run out of that Church the second we stepped in there."

"But you wouldn't let me and I'm glad because you have no idea how amazing the sex was that night!" Taylor laughed. "Yeah a little too much information." Summer smiled. "It was just perfect." Taylor sighed resting her hands in her lap.

"_You did this for me?" Taylor looked around the pool house. There were candles everywhere and rose petals filling practically the whole room. "I'd do anything for you but I must confess Seth and Summer did this." "Was it your idea?" He nodded. _

"_Well then that's all that matters Mr. Atwood." She kissed him on the lips. "Well Mrs. Atwood I'm really glad you like it." _

"_I love it. Just not as much as I love you. God, Ryan how did I become so lucky to have you? After everything I've been through with Bobby and my mom. You saved me." _

"_You deserve a lot more than I can give you but I am never letting you go. NEVER so get used to me saving you as much as I possibly can." _

"_You know, I am a big girl." _

"_Yeah, but I want to always protect you even when I'm not here." _

"_Not possible." She shook her head. "Enough talking and more kissing." He pressed his lips hard against hers. _

"Is it hard?" Summer looked over at her. "God Sum you have no idea how hard this…and then after losing the baby…" she started crying again. "Did you ever tell him?" Summer put her hand on Taylor's back.

"How exactly am I supposed to right in a letter 'Ryan I was pregnant with your child for four months before I realized it and then I lost it.' I'll tell him when he gets home…"

"Maybe you should wait until after he's been home awhile. I mean he'll be upset…"

"I know! That's why I can't just write it in a letter. I don't even know if I can look in his face though, you know? If I can see a part of him die." Taylor sighed.

"How about some shopping?" Summer changed the subject by standing up and grabbing Taylor's hand to get off of the bed. "I could really use that. The one place Ryan refused to set foot in. I'd always have to go buy all of his clothes."

"Taylor! No don't do this." Summer watched as Taylor's lip quivered at the thought of not having bought Ryan clothes the past year. "Okay, I'm okay. I can do this. I knew when we got married he would leave. I knew when he joined he'd leave." Taylor tried taking a deep breath but it wasn't working. Nothing was working.

"He's going to change, Summer. He's going to be seeing so many bad things over there that when he comes home he won't know how to love me like he used to." She cried.

"Then why did you marry him?" summer put her hands on her hips. "Because I love him…"

"Then why are you having doubts now? It's been a year Taylor. Did you have doubts when you where in school?" Summer asked her.

"Of course! But I don't know…God, I love him so much."

"I get the picture." Summer gave up. "Yeah well just go away Summer! Obviously you don't want to hear it! So why did you come in here wanting to talk? Why'd you bring up memories! He might die Summer! Happy? Because that's the main reason I have doubts in us! Because I won't see him! Because he will be leaving me!" Taylor screamed pulling at her hair as tears ran down her face.

"Oh my God." Summer rushed over to her friend. Taylor was broken. She had pushed terrible thoughts into her head the past year. Telling herself that she couldn't do this. That it'd be better if she didn't think of him at all but she loved him and there was a ring on her finger that reminded her everyday that she loved him. So it was a little hard to forget Ryan Atwood.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ryan's letters will be short for awhile. But soon i'll be introducing Veronica and 'Bobby.' I was also thinking about doing a whole flash back chapter with one of my favorite songs 'you had me at hello' by A Day To Remember. I want to clear up how Ryan and Taylor really met. So...maybe i'll do that. Oh and btw after that Chapter just know Ryan's not staying away for too much longer!**

Chapter 4

_Dear wife,_

_There's not much new around here. Same old mess I suppose. Missing you hasn't changed either. Neither has loving you. Your last later sounded so sad. I sure hope everything's okay with you there. It's good to know the Cohen's are good. And the Coopers. I just got another letter from Seth and he told me he's thinking of proposing to Summer. I think that's great but he also said he's not doing an Atwood and marry her right away. I don't regret it one bit. I sure hope you don't regret it either. Maybe I should have let you move on from me…but once again being the selfish man I am with you I couldn't imagine you being with another guy. I can't even imagine letting another guy touch you. That's only reserved for me and it has been since sophomore year. You've always been mine. And even though you weren't my first…I've always been yours. After everything with your mom and her boyfriend I knew we were meant to be. I was meant to be yours and you were meant to be mine. We were meant to save each other. But if you're having doubts in this and you don't think you can handle it I really need you to tell me now before I come home to you next year. I need to know if I'm coming home to love or if I'll be coming home to nothing. I can't promise you that I'll come home at all if you don't want this. But it's all up to you because you know exactly how I feel Taylor. You know I love you. Sometimes I need you to reassure me you that you love me too. It's terrible here. I can't deny that nor can I deny how much I want to be home right now. You are my home. Wherever you are is where I want to be, always. I was thinking about all of those times in the pool house. How you practically lived there with my senior year. That's the year people learned how to actually knock before entering. I don't know how many times we heard 'oh my god I'm so sorry' or 'I really didn't need to see that!' But somehow I miss those days. The days where it was you and me against the world. Everything was great than, well aside from the fact that we were counting down the days I was leaving. Aside from the fact that for a whole month you barely spoke to me. But then you came back to me, I knew I couldn't live without you after that. Which is why we are married. I need you to be okay. I need you to keep living and stop moping around like someone is dying. I'm being safe here, I promise. So please just get out of this funk that you're in because once I'm home I'm going to need you more than anything. I love you. I'll be seeing you in my dreams. Oh and Happy Anniversary. I'm sorry I can't be there…_

_Love you. Ryan._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Taylor pulled back the blankets on the bed as she placed his latest letter in the box. Letter 45. 45 letters in one year. She wondered how many more letters she would get before Ryan was back.

Taylor looked around the pool house. A year ago they had spent their first night together as husband and wife. A year ago she was happy now here she was moping around despite what Ryan asked of her.

Taylor decided she wasn't leaving the pool house that day. It was wasn't happening. She was broken well almost because there was still that tiny bit of hope in her that Ryan would return and everything would go back to the way it was before.

"_You look beautiful." Ryan's breath was taken away seeing the girl he was in love with standing in front of him in a wedding dress. "Thanks." She whispered before they walked into the Cohen's house after the wedding. Everyone was meeting back there for a reception. _

"_Have I told you how much I love you?" He asked before they stepped into the house. "I think you've told me once or twice but you know I love hearing it so I wouldn't mind if you keep at it." Taylor giggled wrapping her arms around Ryan's neck. _

"_I love you. I love you. I love you…" He said kissing her each time he said it. _

"_We get the point now you two can either stay out here and make out or you can come inside with the rest of us. Your choice." Seth opened the front door. _

"_As much as I'd love to stay out here, he has a point. I mean they are here for us." Taylor smiled. "Yeah but…I just want to be with you." He kissed her again. "Because in two days I won't see you for two years." Ryan tried kissing Taylor again. _

"_You had to bring it up didn't you?" Taylor pushed away from him. "We can't pretend it's not going to happen, Taylor! It is and it's approaching quickly so please lets make the best of the time we have now." He pulled her back to him. "You're right. We'll mingle for a second and then off to the pool house." _

Taylor pulled on a shirt that Ryan had left her and a pair of sweatpants before walking into the Cohen's. "Well she's alive." Sandy chuckled. "I'm sorry…I just haven't been up to leaving this week." She whispered. She had a terrible week not leaving the pool house and living off of the things in the mini-fridge which wasn't much until Kirsten came in and stocked it for her.

"We understand. Is it hard being here?" Kirsten asked Taylor taking sip of her coffee. "Very but it's also comforting because this had always been my second home. I got a letter from Ryan yesterday and I finally decided to make the best of my summer. Possibly get a job…and visit Veronica." Taylor couldn't call the woman 'mom' not after everything Veronica had done to her. Not after the emotional and physical abuse she had endured while living under her mother's roof.

"Are you sure about that?" Sandy asked with a worried expression. "Well not really but I need closure, you know? I need to see her one last time before I say goodbye to her for good. Do you know if she's still with Bobby?"

"The last I heard she was. We could always call her and get her to come to dinner…but not until you're truly ready" Kirsten replied. "Thank you guys so much. I don't know how I'd cope without you here or without his letters. Where's Seth and Summer?"

"Seth is working and Summer's taking some time with Marissa." Sandy told her.

"How is she? I mean after rehab and everything?" Taylor asked taking a seat at the counter. "Good, she graduated and is thinking about college. Julie's ecstatic. Kaitlin came back. Jimmy's still gone but that's Jimmy Cooper for you." Kirsten sighed.

"I'm happy for her. God, I remember how she tried to take Ryan from me." Taylor laughed a little. "She was messed up. She understands he's with you now." Kirsten walked over and sat next to her. "Yeah…" Taylor twisted her wedding band around her finger.

"I was thinking take-out tonight? Korean?" Kirsten smiled. "Sounds perfect!"

"Atwood!" Summer walked into the kitchen the next second with Marissa Cooper. "Marissa." Taylor smiled at her. "Hey, Taylor. How's things without Ryan?' Marissa hugged her. "Okay…I'm trying to cope."

"You two will make it." Marissa smiled. "I sure hope so! I'm still completely in love with him…even through all of this." Taylor told them all.

"I got a letter from him the other day." Marissa confessed. Taylor looked at her strangely. Why would Ryan write Marissa Cooper a letter?

"And what'd it say?" Taylor pressed. Marissa pulled it out of her pocket and handed it to Taylor. "I can't read it." Taylor handed it back. "He apologized. Told me to hang out with you more. He's right. I mean after all these years of knowing you we haven't become friends…which is strange because you're best friends with my best friend." Marissa gave Taylor a weak smile.

All Taylor could do was nod. It's not that Marissa was a bad person…she just made bad choices and always had something up her sleeve to mess something or other up.

"_I haven't even hung out with her in months! Why are you acting like this?" Ryan yelled at his girlfriend. "Ryan! How can I not act like this? Marissa Cooper is beautiful…and I'm just Taylor Townsend town geek with a crazy obsessive mother who has an abusive boyfriend." Taylor threw her hands up in the air. _

"_Do you really think I want Marissa Cooper?" He questioned as he sat on the bench next to her on the pier. "Yes! Give me one good reason you want to stay with me." She crossed her arms over her chest._

"_Because I…because I love you!" Those words shocked Taylor. They'd been dating for 6 months at the time. It was April 7__th__. Taylor would never forget that day. It was also the first day they made love. She had never in her life been more ready. _

"_I love you too." She finally told him at the end of the night. "I'm so lucky to have you and I never want you to doubt us. Or doubt me because of Marissa. She means nothing to me other than an acquaintance." _

"_Alright. You know you shouldn't be jealous of that Zack guy in biology." She giggled. _

Taylor sighed. That was their first argument about Marissa Cooper. Plenty more followed. Taylor trusted Ryan, she just didn't trust Marissa.

"_She was all over you at the kick off carnival!" Taylor put her hands on her hips. "Let this go!" He yelled. It was the beginning of their junior year. "You're impossible!" Taylor cried. _

"_Me? You're the impossible one. I'm not the one that's so insecure about our relationship." He fussed. "God! I should have known from the start that Marissa was in love with you. But I didn't care." _

"_So why do you care now?' He replied. "Because! I can't lose you!" She yelled falling to her knees crying. "Come on, don't do this." He grabbed her hands and pulled her to her feet. _

"_Maybe you're supposed to be with her." _

"_Apparently you don't want to be with me! If you did you wouldn't be talking like this. So maybe you will lose me if you don't somehow get faith in what we have." That was the first night she had left angry at him. _

"So I was thinking maybe we could hit the beach." Summer looked for a bad expression on Taylor's face. "Uhm, sure. I could use some son. My skin is so pasty." Taylor put out her arm to show them. "Have you even been out in the sun since you've been here?" Summer asked. "Barely. I mean to walk from the pool house to here but I've been locked in the pool house for a week…"

"Go get ready! We are losing valuable sun time!" Marissa urged.

"So I'm basically the whitest thing at the beach." Taylor laid her towel down. "Which is why we're out here." Said Summer. "Exactly." Marissa nodded. Taylor laid on her back and looked up at the sun.

"I wanted to visit you on your anniversary. But, Seth told me you were doing pretty bad…so I decided against it. Deep down I thought you needed a friend…" Taylor watched Summer fumble with her hands. "I needed to be alone. I wouldn't have thrown you out if you would have come though."

"Good, just think next year he'll be here for your anniversary." Marissa said.

"Yeah, he will." Taylor gave her a weak smile. "I mean unless something happens…"

"Coop!" Summer yelled at the girl she called best friend. "Thanks Marissa. I think I want to go now." Taylor pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes as tears started welling up in them.

"Could you be anymore dumb?" Summer stood up following a distraught Taylor. "God, Summer you can't sugarcoat everything in front of her. He could very well die there!"

"We all know that, Coop even Taylor. That's her biggest fear right now and you just reminded her." Summer looked back at Marissa one last time before running after Taylor.

"Summer if you're here to defend Marissa I don't want to hear it. She had no right to say that to me! How could she think I didn't know he could die? I know! God, I know that's all I think about but today I was actually starting to live again after a year and she messed it up just like she messes everything up."

"Let's go back to the Cohen's." Summer put a hand on Taylor's back leading her away from the beach.


	6. Chapter 6

**Next chapter is a flash back chapter. THEN Ryan's coming home? I promised I wouldn't kill him...I didn't promise anything else. Don't worry he's not like missing a limb. anyhow on with the letter! and i have pretty much all these chapters done in advanced that's why i'm posting so many in a day.**

Chapter 6

_Taylor,_

_I wanted to tell you about writing Marissa but I didn't think it really mattered. It was just to say I'm sorry for the things that happened. God, please don't start this again. Nothing, I mean NOTHING will ever happen with her. I don't know what she said to you but…please have faith in me. In us. The last thing I need right now is for you to stop believing in us. For you to start doubting. The best thing I've ever done in my entire like is fall in love with you and marry you. _

_I keep dreaming about once I'm back home. Everything in my dreams…seems just perfect. Mainly it's you. It's always you. So, I was up last night talking to a friend. It's hard making friends here though. I mean you never know where they will be gone… Anyways, he told me about the girl he has back home and I told him all about you. I told him how we met. I told him how lucky I am to have you in my life. I told him about our wedding day, the most perfect day besides the one I met you in my life. It just made me realize how much I REALLY miss you. And how much I need you in my life. I really really need you. Sometimes I think about what it would be like if I didn't have you to come home to. I can't think like that though because it just makes things worse. _

_Sandy wrote me and said you've been thinking about visiting Veronica and Bobby. I know she's your mom, Taylor, but the woman doesn't deserve you. She chose him over you. She knew what he was doing to you all along. She even hit you a few times. So why do you want to forgive her now? You lived with the Cohen's your junior and senior year because she kicked you out…so why now? You'll do what you want but I really think you should at least wait for me to be back. I've got 11 months now. I'm counting down the days and from your last letter I'm guessing you are too. Well I'm being called so I should wrap this letter up. I love you. I need you. I want you. You're my everything so just remember that when you're doubting this. Us. I hope you aren't. Well Taylor, I'll be seeing you in my dreams. I hope you'll be seeing me too._

_Love, _

_Your husband._


	7. Chapter 7

**The song in this is "You Had Me At Hello" by A Day To Remember. Just thought it was appropriate. anyways i kind of get drepressed writing this fic. but it just comes so easy to me! Here is a whole flashback chapter. Set their sophomore year after Ryan moves in with the Cohen's. It pretty much goes with the show until they reach school where Taylor and Ryan meet. **

Chapter 7

I'm missing you so much, I'll see you die tonight,

Just so I can get to you before the sun will rise.

I know the signs are on and I feel this too,

None of that seems to matter when I'm holding you.

"_He's new here." Summer Roberts pointed across the court yard of Harbor. "Yeah, so?" Taylor gave her a strange look. "He's living with the Cohen's." _

"_So what?" Taylor questioned. "God, are you that clueless! Talk to him! Well before Coop keeps running after him." Summer urged. "If Marissa's going after him then let her. It's not like that guy would even like me. What's his name anyway? And why exactly is he living with the Cohen's?" Summer laughed at Taylor. "Townsend you're talking fast again. You think he's hot don't you?" _

"_Doesn't matter now answer my questions." Taylor raised her eyebrows. "Okay, his name is Ryan Atwood. He's from Chino and he stole a car with his brother. Sandy Cohen was his lawyer or whatever and took him in. So now here he is." Summer smiled hoping Taylor wouldn't freak. "_

_So he's a bad boy?" Taylor looked intrigued. "I guess you could say that except when you talk to him he's really not a bad boy. I mean Seth and I've been spending a lot of time with him since he's gotten here. I have been trying to keep Coop away but it's not happening." Summer laughed a little. "_

_So you just want me to like this guy so he won't like Marissa? Even if I did like this random boy from Chino it wouldn't mean he'd like me back PLUS Marissa Cooper is like…a 100 times prettier than me." _

"_She's too…I don't dysfunctional for him. Ryan Atwood needs someone who is less complicated." Summer sighed. "And I'm less complicated?" _

"_Well you're not an alcoholic nor have you OD'd so yeah I would say you're less complicated. I mean aside from all of that stuff with Veronica…But we aren't talking about that. Okay? Now come on they are walking over and you will be amazed!" Summer laughed. _

I know that I had sworn I'd never trust anyone again but I didn't have to...

You had me at hello.

"_Hello" That's all it took. That's all he had to say for Taylor to melt. She knew that this would create so much more bad things with her mother but…this guy standing in front of her was hot and had possibly the most amazing set of blue eyes she had ever seen. _

"_Come on Cohen let's let these two get acquainted!" Summer grabbed her boyfriends arm before he could protest. _

"_What are you doing Summer?" Seth questioned her. "Getting him away from Marissa Cooper and her evil spell." _

"_You are amazing you know that, right?" Seth kissed the top of her head before walking towards the school. _

"_Ryan Atwood." Ryan stuck his hand out for Taylor to shake. She just stared at it and then at him letting her eyes roam all over his body. _

"_Are you okay?" He snapped her out of the trance she seemed to be in. "Oh yeah, I'm just peachy." She laughed then shook his hand. "That's really…good." He gave her a smile. _

"_I can show you around if you want…" "_

_That'd be great. But you never told me your name." He laughed as they climbed the steps together. "Taylor Townsend." That was the first time Taylor Townsend had ever seen Ryan Atwood but it sure wasn't the last. The next time Taylor had seen Ryan was at the Cohen's. Which happened to be the same day she met him._

I've never seen a smile that can light the room like yours,

It's simply radiant, even more with everyday that goes by.

I watch the clock so I can make my timing just right.

Would it be okay? Would it be okay?if I took your breath away.

"_Taylor." Ryan nodded smiling at her. She couldn't move. Her breath was literally taken out of her. She couldn't believe just by looking at this guy she was falling for him. She didn't think that was even possible. He had a past, a bad one. Well one that her mother would freak out over. "Ryan." She was finally able to get out. _

"_Taylor, what are you doing here?" Seth gave her a strange look. "Summer invited me?" _

"_Yes, I did but I'm sorry Taylor, Seth and I have some studying to do so you can hang with Atwood." Summer winked at Taylor. "No you don't. Summer, we have the same schedule." Taylor pointed out. "Well studying is just code for making out! Duh!" Summer laughed pulling on Seth towards the stairs. _

"_This isn't awkward." Ryan stuffed his hands in his pockets. "No, not at all. So I have a feeling those two are up to something." She laughed. "Aren't they always?" He asked. "You're right. So, since we are here how about we talk?" She motioned for the couch. For some reason Taylor wanted to know everything about him. But mostly she wanted to know what his tongue felt like on hers. _

"_Have you lived here your whole life?" It was strange just sitting there with Ryan made Taylor feel comfortable and almost for one second safe. _

"_Yeah pretty much. Actually since I was three after my dad left. My mom met this guy…Bobby and well they've been together since. Let's just say he's an ass and I like to stay as far away from him as I can. But have you always lived in Chino?" She popped a chip into her mouth. _

"_No. Started out in Fresno. But Chino's been home for awhile." He shrugged smiling at her. _

"_Why did you get in the car with your brother?" He had already told her the story and some reason Taylor was intrigued by him. _

"_I don't know…because he's my brother? I mean the cops were already coming…it just…happened." He looked down at her leg that was now on his. "I understand." _

"_So what's up with your mom's boyfriend?" He asked. _

"_Bobby? The jerk? I don't want to talk about it…" She gave him a weak smile. "Does he like…"_

"_Rape me? No. He doesn't touch me that way…" "_

_So he…hits you?" She just shrugged pulling up her sleeve slightly. Taylor always wore long sleeves. The bruises were always too dark to wear short sleeves. _

"_Jesus, and your mom doesn't care?" _

"_My mom actually tells him to do it. If that makes much sense…" She trailed off. _

"_I'm sorry. I mean I've had my fair share of being beat but…you just seem so…you don't deserve that." _

"_Yeah well neither did you. But it happens and we can't change it. As long as he doesn't hit me in the face I'm okay." _

"_So you wear long sleeves constantly? Doesn't it get hot?" He asked. "Lot's of questions." She laughed nervously. _

"_Well somehow I already feel like I care about you." He shrugged. "So we're friends? And yeah I wear long sleeves year around and I have since I was young. No one questioned me…I always said it was because I'm clumsy which isn't totally untrue but you know…Not many people cared any way. Everyone in this town is scared by the wrath of Veronica Townsend." _

"_Yeah we're friends." _

"_You can't tell anyone about this, Ryan. The only other person who knows is Summer and I'd like to keep it just between the three of us. Okay?" She looked at him seriously. _

"_You just…seem so much stronger than this." _

"_I put up a front." She shrugged. "Yeah, well I can keep a secret but…" _

"_If it gets worse I'll do something about it." _

"_Promise?" _

"_I promise." She lied. Taylor knew no matter what she couldn't say anything. No matter what her mother and Bobby were her only family…besides Summer Roberts. But Summer also had Marissa. _

_Taylor and Ryan only seemed get closer after their talk. Ryan refused to look at Taylor's bruises after seeing them for the first time. Although he always asked her if there were any new ones. She only showed him her arms afraid to show him her other body parts. _

_Everything was okay until the night it all went downhill. It was a month after she had met Ryan. Bobby had gotten carried away with hitting her. She couldn't stay there. She needed someone. She couldn't go to Summer's because her dad would start asking questions. The only place she could go was to Ryan. To his pool house. But part of her didn't want to go there. But there she was staring at the closed door. The lights were on inside and she could see a shadow moving about. She shut her eyes tightly letting the tears hit the bruises on her cheeks. She didn't want to just barge in. So she knocked. She almost turned around and started running but he was already at the door staring at her. _

And I'm wasting away, away from you.

And I'm wasting away, away from you.

"_Oh, Taylor." He went to grab for her but she stepped back. "Don't touch me…" She stuttered. "Okay, I won't but come in." He opened the door wide so she could step in without him touching her. "Thanks." She shivered at the coldness of the room. _

"_Here." He wrapped a blanket over her shoulders watching her wince at the slightest touch. "God, even wearing clothes hurts right now…" She just stood there. "Can I…can I see?" _

"_You won't tell anyone?" _

"_No but I'm pretty sure people are going to be able to tell when they see you." _

"_I've got good concealer plus I always wear long sleeves so there won't be any difference." She shrugged. _

"_As long as they don't touch you…" _

"_Yeah." She pushed the blanket off of her. "Are you sure you want to see this?" She asked closing her eyes once more. It hurt just shutting her eyes. She was surprised her right eye wasn't closed shut as much as it hurt. "Yeah." He gulped. _

"_They aren't all new. Some are old…" She started pulling her pants down. She wasn't sure why she was sharing this with Ryan Atwood. They were only friends, slowly turning best friends. She could be herself with him. That was why she wanted him to know everything about her. She needed him to know her pain. Taylor winced at the fabric sliding down her legs touching ever bruise she had. It hurt so bad but felt so good to get them off. She heard Ryan gasp and could feel him coming towards her. _

"_Don't." She squeezed her eyes shut. "There's more." She turned around to start pulling her shirt off so she would just be standing in front of him in her bra and panties but this wasn't something sexual. This was showing him her pain. This was letting him know what was going on in her life. This was to let him in even more even if there was a chance he'd say something. But he promised and Taylor trusted his promise. _

_The shirt hurt the worst to pull off mainly because the fabric hit her sore ribs on both sides. "This is me." She turned around keeping her eyes closed as she felt his eyes roam her body. But once again his gaze wasn't even close to sexual. It was pain. It was wanting to save her from this. It was so much more than she knew she could handle but there she stood in front of him dressed in only her underwear and bruises. _

"_I…God Taylor." She finally opened her eyes. "It hurts…" She started crying hard. "I just…want to…hold you." He tried stepping towards her but backing up when she flinched a little. "You can't…You'll hurt me." She shook. "That's the last thing I want to do…" He whispered. "Good because that's the last thing I need." Suddenly Taylor stepped towards Ryan and pulled his hand. _

"_Feel it." She wasn't sure why she wanted him to touch her bruises…she wasn't sure what she was even doing there. He touched the bruises that started from her eyes to her legs. He covered each bruise with his touch. Some times his touch would cause pain but…she needed him to know. "_

_How could he do this to you?" He took his hands away staring at her ribs. They looked terrible and possibly broken. "I don't know…power maybe?" She shrugged picking the blanket up from the floor and wrapping it around her body. _

"_You can sleep in my bed. I'll take the floor." He pointed. "Don't be silly. Your bed is big enough for two…" She whispered. As much as she didn't want him to wrap his arms around her she didn't want to feel his weight in the bed, to just k now that someone was actually there for her. For once. _

What have I gotten into this time around?

I know that I had sworn I'd never trust anyone again but I didn't have to...

You had me at hello.


	8. Chapter 8

**So basically I cried writing this. D: Don't hate me! Apparently I have this thing where Ryan and Taylor say they'll wait for each other? It's an obsession. BUT HE'S BACK! I know so soon...but...I couldn't keep him away. It pained me so. Plus I pretty much lacked in writing the letters. They could have been so much better. Oh goodness you don't want to read this. ononon with the story!**

Chapter 8

Taylor looked around the pool house. It had been three weeks since she had received her last letter from Ryan and it was really starting to worry her. None of the Cohen's had gotten one either.

Since that day at the beach Taylor had spent her days hanging out with Seth and Summer. Marissa hadn't come around since that day she said that about Ryan.

Taylor had obliged to Ryan by not visiting her mother. She knew she would need his strength there if she did end up going to visit her. But that wouldn't be for another 10 or 11 months.

She busied herself with cleaning constantly. She would clean the Cohen's house before the house keeper would even get there in the mornings. It helped her think and Taylor just needed to think. She needed her mind clear and she needed her mind to understand everything. Because she really wanted to understand Ryan's decision but even after a year she still couldn't understand it. She thought of it as him leaving her but she was wrong. And she knew she was. Why would be want to marry her if he just wanted to leave her? That wouldn't make any sense.

Suddenly there was scream coming from the main house. Taylor didn't think much of it until Seth came running into the pool house out of breath. "What is it?" Taylor rushed over to him as he heaved over in pain. "It's…"

"It's what Seth? What's going on?" She panicked.

"Oh God, he's dead?" All life rushed out of Taylor when she said that. She was about to pass out when Seth spoke up. "He's not dead! He's here!"

"He's what?" The life rushed back into her body. "He's here!" He yelled again.

"No he's not, Seth stop lying to me!" Taylor yelled. "I'm not lying."

"He's not lying." A smiling Ryan limped from the main house towards the pool house. Taylor was about to run and jump into his arms but then she realized he was home way too early and then the limp registered in her head.

"Why are you limping?" She stepped back.

"I…please just come hug me." He gave her a smile. "Not until you tell me why you're here and why you're limping." She started crying. He looked hurt. He looked like someone had just slapped him across his face.

"Taylor." Kirsten scolded. "No." Taylor shook her head stepping back into the pool house before slamming the door in all of their faces.

He promised her he wouldn't get hurt. He promised her he'd come home in 11 months as healthy as he was when he left. He lied. He was hurt and now she was hurt. Even more so than she had been. That wasn't her husband. That wasn't Ryan Atwood. Ryan Atwood made a promise to her and the Ryan she knew wouldn't break that promise. Taylor knew she was being a little selfish but through everything she had dealt with in her life Ryan was the one who was strong. She wasn't the strong one and she hadn't been since he left.

There was a knock at the pool house door. Taylor ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She fell to the floor sliding her back against the door.

"Taylor…" His voice was soft and pleading. She sat there and cried. "Please…" He banged his fist against the door. It startled her and only made her cry even more.

"You can't do this to me! You can't! I need you!" He yelled through the door but Taylor didn't move. She just sat there as she shook with pain. She had wanted him home all along but not limping. She didn't know how to deal with someone else's physical pain. Which in turn made her as selfish as her mother had always told her she was. "I love you…"

"But you promised me!" She yelled as loud as she could. "I'm here aren't I? I'm still alive! I kept my promise." He yelled back.

"No your promise was you'd come home without a scratch on you."

"God stop doing this! Stop it, Taylor! Just open the door and let me in. Let me hold you! I'll show you that I'm the same guy. I'll show you that I haven't changed. It's just my leg…"

"What happened?" She asked still crying. "Open the door and I'll tell you."

"No, I don't want to see your face when you tell me." She told him back. "I got shot…It messed my leg up badly but other than this slight limp I'm okay. I'm home now. Isn't that enough? It's not like I lost a limb or something!"

"Just…leave me alone right now, Ryan. I need to be alone." But he didn't leave her. He pushed his back against the other side of the door and listened to her cries for the next few hours.

"You should eat something." Kirsten walked into the pool house finding Ryan with his head in his hands. "Not until she comes out." Ryan told her.

He looked broken and Kirsten knew that only Taylor could fix him but she also needed to be fixed herself. And Ryan was the only one who could ever fix Taylor. This time Kirsten wasn't so sure. Kirsten gave Ryan a weak smile. She was happy he was home despite his leg injury. Everyone was happy he was back besides Taylor but Kirsten could see where she coming from. That bullet could have easily killed him. He could have bled to death but he didn't and part of Kirsten couldn't understand why Taylor was taking it for granted. He was alive that should have been enough for her.

"She'll come around, Ryan. Just give her time." Kirsten said before leaving Ryan alone.

"Ryan." There was a voice coming from the doors again. "Yeah?" He looked up to find Summer standing with her hand son her hips. "What?" He snapped.

"Don't snap at me, Atwood!" She walked into the room.

"Just…what do you want, Summer?" He ran his hand over his face.

"To talk. You act like this has been easy for her. You have not seen how broken she was! You didn't look in her eyes and see the pain when someone even mentioned your name. You didn't hear her cry every day. You weren't there so you can not come here thinking that everything is going to be the same. Thinking she's not going to be hurt. Everyone in her life has abandoned her but not you. You know…I don't think you really understand why she's crying in there." Summer fussed at him.

"How do I not understand?" He spat. "She's not crying because you're limping. She not upset over that. I don't know how you can't see it! She's upset because you were shot. Because all along there was a possibility that bullet didn't just go in your leg, it was possible it could have gone somewhere else. Or you could have even bled to death."

"I don't know why she's doing this, Summer! I'm here now is that enough for her? I didn't get shot anywhere else and I didn't bleed to death." Ryan tried to lower his voice.

"Totally not the point. She's thinking of what could have happened. And to be honest I'm pretty sure I'd be acting the same way."

"I just want my wife back."

"She'll realize she needs you sooner or later, Ryan. Just…wait for her. Okay?" Summer started walking towards the doors.

"I'll always wait for her." He said under his breath.


	9. Chapter 9

**I cried writing this. Not sure why I got myself into writing such a sad story. D: Ryan hurting is noooo good. I've started taking my medicine everyday so I can write my stories because without it...you'd get nothing. My concentration level is like 0. Anyhow I need to stop talking about myself. Meh. HOPE YOU LIKE IT?!**

Chapter 9

Taylor had fallen asleep against the door crying. She heard Ryan's sobbing on the other side but didn't want to open the door and face him just yet. She couldn't run into his arms, she couldn't welcome in home the way she wanted to. She was starting to feel claustrophobic being in the bathroom for so long. She stood up with an aching body and put her hand on the door knob. She figured he would probably sleeping against the door so she opened it slightly feeling his weight up against it. Then she opened it fully and he fell back on her legs startled by what had just happened.

"What the hell?" He sat up quickly rubbing his eyes. She didn't say a word. Instead she stepped away from him.

"Are you going to ignore me?" He stood up slowly. His leg was killing him but he made sure to not wince at the pain just in case she looked over and saw his face.

"Apparently so…why won't you talk to me?" Taylor didn't say anything.

She just busied herself with picking up the dirty laundry from the day before. She walked over and grabbed his bag and started separating his clothes. She suddenly felt two warm around her and as nice as it felt with his lips on her neck she had to pull away.

"Wow…my wife hates me. You know I never thought this would end like this…" He shook his head and walked away from her out the door.

Taylor watched him. She wanted to run after him but she could tell he was in pain. Even if he tried to hide it…there was no way he could hide that. She could see it in his face even if he remained expressionless. Taylor walked over to the bed and sat back on it. She put her head in her hands and she began to cry.

"You know if you would just say something to him or at least act like you're glad he's home and ALIVE then you wouldn't be sitting here right now crying." She heard someone say from the door. Marissa Cooper.

"What do you want?" Taylor snapped her head up.

"To knock some fucking sense into you. God, do you not know how great you have it, Taylor? You have this guy who wants you no matter what you do or say."

"Marissa, I don't think you should be in here right now." There was a voice coming from behind Marissa. Ryan.

"How do you handle her? She's so…UGH!" Marissa threw her hands up in the air and stormed out of the room. "I'm sorry…"

"Did you tell her I wasn't talking you?" Taylor asked finally saying something to him. "I was talking to the Cohen's…and she walked in at that time and I guess she overheard." Taylor just nodded.

"Back to being silent?" He asked her stepping a little closer only to have her stepping back more.

"I think I'm going to go stay…with my mom." She gulped closing her eyes feeling the pain just calling Veronica 'mom'.

"Are you kidding me?" He spat.

"No…I can't stay here right now. I'm going back to Berkeley next week." She fought back the tears that were starting to come out of her eyes again.

"So this is it? You're giving up on us…giving up on me? I didn't mean to get shot! People get hurt when they go to war, Taylor! Shit happens, but I'm home now and I'm home for you! I'm home to be with you…start us right this time." He tried getting her to look at him.

"I can't…Ryan…it hurts too bad too look at you being hurt. I just…I'm sorry." She walked over and kissed his cheek one last time before packing her bag back up and walking out the door.

"NO!" He yelled from behind her. She stopped dead and turned around. "You can't…you just can't…I can't…go…on…without you!" He yelled from the door. She just nodded and turned back around. "Why did you even marry me? You knew I'd be leaving for war. You knew there was this possibility I'd get hurt despite my promise. So why'd you give me false hope? Why'd you give me the idea that I would be coming home to a woman I loved…"

"I married you because I love you…"

"Then if you love me you won't leave."

"I'll stay in the guest room." She turned back around and gave him a rather weak smile. "No going back to Berkeley?" He asked her.

"Not yet…I'll, ugh, finish your laundry after I get my stuff up the stairs." He just nodded. He needed her and by the look on her face she needed him too.

"Wow, leaving Ryan already?" Summer leaned up against the doorway of the guest room. It was the room Taylor had used Junior year after everything got worse with her mom and Bobby, then senior year she more or less moved in with Ryan in the pool house. "No, I'll never leave him."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"You said it all last night…" She told her. "You heard that?" Summer asked.

"Yeah…" Taylor nodded. "Ever going to snap out of this?" Summer walked over and sat on the bed.

"Oh God, I hope so…It's just…right now…I need…"

"To be alone? I get it. Just…don't wait too long."

"Why?" Taylor almost panicked. "I just have a feeling." She shrugged.

"Don't say that!" Taylor yelled.

"Calm down Atwood. I'm just trying to say SOMETHING to get you to back out in that pool house."

"Sorry…So I know Marissa is your best friend and everything but could you please…"

"Keep her away from Ryan?" Taylor nodded at Summer putting her shirts in a drawer. "I can try."

"Thank you." Summer nodded and stood up to leave the room.

"Summer, Taylor. Can I ask why Taylor is putting clothes into that drawer?" Sandy appeared.

"I'm moving in here for the time being." Taylor whispered busying herself with the task at hand which was sorting her clothes neatly by color in the closet.

"I know yesterday didn't go so well but isn't this a little much?" Sandy asked as Summer left.

"No. I'm a big girl and I'll know when something is a little much." Taylor almost snapped.

"Look at me, Taylor." Sandy said sternly. Taylor turned around slightly catching the mans gaze.

"When Bobby was hurting you and your mom almost killed you who was there for you? Who made sure you were safe from them? Who kept every secret you had just so he wouldn't hurt your trust in him? Who needs you so much right now that he's hurting? Ryan. Now I suggest you do something to stop this because if you do this too much longer I can promise you're going to lose him." With that Sandy walked out of the room leaving Taylor to deal with the thoughts in her head.


	10. Chapter 10

**So, I decided next chapter will be another flashback chapter cause i want to explain more about Bobby. Because Ryan DID do something about him hurting Taylor. I can already tell it's going to be a hard chapter but it should be up by the end of the weekend. Oh and Taylor's supposed to be like this. she'll snap out of it! **

Chapter 10

Ryan was preparing himself for the worst. Although she had turned back around and gave him a little tiny bit of hope…there just wasn't enough to keep him from stressing. He wished now more than ever that he hadn't joined the Army. He wished now more than ever that he stayed with Taylor and had gone to Berkeley like they had planned.

But that wasn't the case. Now he was on the verge of a possible divorce.

Ryan couldn't even think about that. It hurt him worse than the pain from the bullet had. He didn't want to get shot. It had just happened. He pushed back any thought of that day or any day in Iraq for that matter. He didn't want to think about what he saw. He needed to focus on getting his life back together. He needed things to be the way they used to be, if not better.

Then the thought crept up inside his head. _What if things would never be the same again. What if there was no way of fixing them again this time. _That was NOT an option. No, he wouldn't have it. They wouldn't get divorced. He'd do everything in his power to get her back…to get her to love him like she used to. Even the way she looked at him was different and it wasn't different in a good way.

"She'll come around, Ryan. It's Taylor for God's sake you know how she gets…" Seth tried. Ryan was absently turning his wedding band around his finger. He stared at the TV but didn't really soak in what was going on. "This is different."

"How? You're not dead, Ryan. I don't get it, she's been wanting you home for the past year and now that you're finally here she's ignoring you like you're the plague or something." Seth muted the TV.

"Yeah well, I'm giving her the space she needs. I need her." There was no other way to explain it. For the past 4 years he's been in love with her and he was not going to stop yet, and he wasn't going to let her either. "But does she need you?"

"Of course she needs me." Ryan snapped at Seth. "Don't…Seth…I don't really want to talk about this anymore. I'm dealing with it enough as it is."

"Alright man. It's good to have you back, Ryan. It's been weird without you around." Seth nodded not really knowing what else to say as he grabbed the remote and turned the volume back up.

"Ryan." A voice came from the kitchen. Ryan directed his gaze over to Marissa Cooper. He had wished it was Taylor. The last person he really wanted to talk to right then was Marissa.

"Yeah?" He rubbed his head. "Can…we talk?" She pointed her thumb towards the pool house.

"Marissa, if you have something to say to my husband then I think it'd be nice if you just said it in here." There it was. The voice. Her voice.

"You're not acting much like a wife right now." Marissa rolled her eyes at Taylor.

"I don't want to fight with you over him anymore." Taylor growled.

"So now you're fighting for him? Seemed like just yesterday you were pushing him away!" Ryan never once took his eyes off of Taylor. She kept her eyes glued to Marissa. If looked could kill… "There's no fighting Taylor…you already have me." Ryan stood up slowly from the couch. None of them had expected him to say anything, it was if he wasn't even in the room with them while they argued about him.

"Look, I just need to speak to you for a second." Marissa tried again. Taylor just shook her head. "No." Taylor said firmly. Instead of saying anything Marissa glanced at Ryan and then glared at Taylor before storming off like a five year old who was having a temper tantrum.

"What did she want?" Seth broke the silence that followed after the slamming of the front door.

"She didn't say." Ryan shrugged walking over to Taylor. She kept her eyes shut, he knew she could feel him coming towards her because she tensed up a little. Suddenly tears rolled down her eyes as he got closer. He put his hand on top of hers that was sitting on top of the counter.

"Don't touch me." She growled pulling her hand back to her. "What?" Ryan asked hurt.

"You can probably deal with my pain but I can't deal with yours."

"You don't have to, I'll deal with it…" He tried. She shook her head. "Ryan, I'll have to deal with your pain every day I look at you…it's different than my bruises…they went away." She whispered putting her hand back down on the counter. This time he reached for it but held it tightly so she couldn't pull it away.

"They might have gone away Taylor, but the pain they caused you emotionally did not." He pulled her close by her waist. She shook her head as he tried kissing her.

"What do you want me to do Taylor? I'm here. I'm alive. What more could you want?" He tried keeping his voice low to not scare her.

"I want you to give me space. I want you to let me deal with this on my own." She looked up into his eyes. "I can't…we need to do this together."

"I've dealt with everything in the past year alone, I don't need you to help me." She said a little too harsh. "I…"

"You what, Ryan?"

"love you and I'm sorry I did this…I'm sorry I've ruined everything. I just want you to come back to me. For you to love me like you used to. We were so strong before I left…"

"That's just it…before you left."

"I can't take it all back, Taylor! I can't erase what has already happened. Do you want…to be married to…me still?" He fought back the tears that were starting to form. He was not going to cry. There was no way he would. "I…" She started but backed away and ran out of the kitchen.

"What just happened?" Summer asked walking into the kitchen after seeing Taylor run out. "She…" But Ryan didn't finish. He needed to talk to her. He ran out of the kitchen as fast a he could despite his limp and up the stairs to the room she was in.

"You can't do this." He said sternly. She was sitting on the bed crying in her hands. "Why not? God, Ryan." She let her eyes travel down to his leg. He started walking towards her. "Do not touch me." She spat.

"I don't know what's gotten into you! I've just come home from fighting in a war I don't even believe in! I'm alive and well. You have no idea what I saw over there, Taylor. You think seeing me with a few wounds is bad, try having my memories. Try having my guilt! I've had to live this past year with the thought that I left you! The one person in my life that had loved me through everything." He just looked at her. She stared ahead with no expression and her tears had stopped. He went to sit on the bed next to her but she abruptly stood up. She took out a bag and started packing.

"What are you doing?" He asked her. "Going home." She looked up at him. "Home?" He asked. "Berkeley." She whispered.

"What in the fuck?" He asked stopping her by grabbing her wrist. "Let go of me!" She screamed trying to get out of his grasp.

"No! What are you doing, Taylor? Why are you doing this! I thought you wanted me home." He screamed.

"Let go! I hate you!" She yelled in his face. That stopped him. He let go of her wrist and stared at her. She brought her hand up to her mouth.

"No, I didn't mean that." She cried.

"Yeah, well there's no other meaning to 'I hate you'" He was hurt. God, he never wanted to hear something like that come out of her mouth.

"I don't hate you, I love you. I hate what you've done. I hate that you left. I hate that I lost our baby and you didn't even know about it. I hate that I've been acting like this. I hate how I've been acting like you've died. You're not dead. You're right in front of me and I am so stupid. I hate that I need you so much. I hate how you've been there for me since day one and I'm letting you down right now. I hate that I'm jealous. I hate everything but you. I'm so sorry I didn't mean to say it." She dropped down to her knees and started crying. Ryan just stood there watching her. He wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be okay, but the words still rang through his head 'I hate you.' and those words hurt more than anything he'd ever heard from her. _Wait, _Ryan thought _our baby?_

"Baby? What baby?"

"I wanted to tell you, Ryan. I just couldn't in a letter…" She looked up through her tears. He reached down and pulled her up.

"How long did you know?"

"The day you left I found out…" She whispered. "Why didn't you tell me!"

"Because you were leaving! I didn't want you going off to war worrying about me." She cried. "So that was the thing you had to tell me…"

"_I don't want you to go." Taylor pouted. She couldn't believe the guy she just married two days before was leaving her to go to another country and fight. "I know, baby. I'm going to miss you." He kissed her as she kneeled on the bed. She crawled over and kissed him. _

"_Why did you have to go the store so early?" He asked her. She just smiled at him. "Before you leave." She kissed him gently. It was possible she was carrying his baby. Ryan's baby. _

"_Okay, Atwood's enough of that. The Cohen's want Ryan to say good-bye and I need to talk to Taylor." "What's wrong?" Taylor asked Summer after Ryan left. _

"_Take it, now!" Summer pushed her into the bathroom. "Alright." Taylor gave in. "How do these things work?" Summer flipped the box over. _

"_You pee on the stick." Summer told her. "No duh, Summer." Taylor rolled her eyes. Her stomach was flip-flopping. She wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not to be pregnant right before Ryan left for the Army. _

"_How long do we wait?" Summer asked after Taylor was finished. "Uhm, the box say's 5 minutes right?" Taylor started getting even more nervous when there was a knock at the door. "_

_Taylor." It was Ryan. "Oh God, Summer make him go away!" Taylor whispered. Summer opened the door abruptly and slipped out before Ryan could see inside. _

"_What's going on in there?" Ryan ran his hand through his hair. "Nothing, girl stuff. You said good-bye that quickly?" Summer asked. _

"_You're acting strange…but yeah I did. And I'd like to see my wife before I leave." _

"_Give us 5 minutes! Do not leave, okay?" Summer said before slipping back into the bathroom. _

"_Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. You check it!" Taylor shoved it into Summer's hand. "EW! This has your pee on it." Summer scrunched up her face. _

"_I don't give a damn! Just read it! What's it say?" _

"_So, I don't know how to read this exactly." Summer flipped it over a couple of times. _

"_Oh My God, Summer just hand it to me!" Taylor snatched it. _

"_Positive." Taylor whispered dropping the pregnancy test on the floor and running out of the bathroom. _

"_RYAN!" She cried. He was standing before the car. "What?" He asked hugging Kirsten and then Sandy again. _

"_I love you." Taylor kissed him hugging him again. _

"_I love you too, but I really have to go. I promise I'll write." He kissed her one last time. _

"_No I have to tell you something!" She tried but he had already closed the car door. He rolled the window down. She couldn't do it. She couldn't tell him they were having a baby just seconds before he was leaving so she stayed silent. _

"_What?" He asked curiously. _

"_Nothing. Just be safe, okay? Promise me you'll come home without a scratch on you okay?" She asked leaning over the door and kissing him one last time before watching Seth drive off. _

"Yeah. It was." Taylor nodded. "And you lost the baby?" He asked feeling sick to his stomach. "A month later." She whispered sitting down.

"How?" He sat down next to her. He didn't grab her hand or even look at her. She stared off at the wall.

_Taylor sat down in a booth at the diner. Ryan had just left and she was still suffering from some insane morning sickness. She had been meaning to tell him in the last few letter's she had written about the baby but it just never seemed like the right time. She wasn't sure if there would ever be a right time. She couldn't go two years without him knowing he had a child. She had to tell him she just didn't know how or what letter she'd write it in. _

_There was suddenly a fist slammed against the table in front of her. She knew that fist. That first was familiar, after all it was the same fist used to beat her. She didn't want to look up because if she looked up than it was real that the person that fist belonged to was standing in front of her. She didn't want this. She started cursing herself for wanting pancakes so early in the morning. She shut her eyes before opening them and looking up. _

"_I was wondering when I'd see you again." He smirked. "What do you want?" She stuttered. He sat across from her. "I heard your married." _

"_Yes." She whispered wanting him to leave. Finally she decided instead that she'd leave. She walked quickly out of the diner but only to be followed by him. _

"_What do you want from me!?" She turned around. He grabbed her arm and flung her against her car. "You have messed everything up! I've been in jail for the past two years and you don't even give a shit." He hit her. _

"_Don't. Please." She cried. He threw her on the ground. Bobby then kicked her a few times in her stomach before running off. _

_She started screaming as pains rushed through her body. Tears rolled down her eyes as she felt someone's hand on her. Suddenly everything when black. _

_She woke in a hospital with machines all around her and needles sticking in her arms. She looked up to see Summer crying. "What happened?" She asked in a demanding tone. Sandy and Kirsten were on the other side of the bad. Kirsten was crying into Sandy's shoulder. _

"_WHAT HAPPENED?!" Taylor screamed this time. Summer took her hand. _

"_Taylor…you lost the baby." Summer whispered. "No, I didn't. You're lying." Taylor started crying. _

"_Taylor, we need you to tell us who hurt you." Sandy said. "I need Ryan!" She started crying turning over on her side away from the Cohen's._

_Summer sat on the edge of the bed and with her eyes asked everyone to leave them alone. "How did this happen, Taylor." She whispered. "Bobby." Was all Taylor could say. "_

_Wait, I thought he was in jail?" Summer asked confused. "Yeah he was…he just got out." Taylor cried. "We have to tell…" "Summer, don't! Please, I just want this to all go away. No more court. No more them. Please Summer." Taylor grabbed her arm. "Alright." _

"AND YOU WANTED TO GO VISIT THEM!?" Ryan stood up from the bed clearly enraged.

"Ryan…" Taylor whispered.

"No, Taylor. I can't believe you would even think about going over there…God. I'm going to kill him!" Ryan yelled but Taylor grabbed his arm.

"Don't." She whispered. He relaxed under her touch sitting back down on the bed next to her.

"I'm so sorry. If I weren't so stupid and left you alone we would have had a baby." He reached over for her hand. She let him take it.

"We weren't ready. I wasn't ready. God, Ryan can you imagine having to deal with me AND a crying baby?" She let out a small laugh. He loved that sound and he declared he'd make sure he heard it more often. He wasn't going to give her up easily. Not without a fight or two.


	11. Chapter 11

**So, I didn't think i'd finish this today. I'm afraid it's not how I wanted it to go. Well, hope you like it? Anywho, Bobby is Veronica's boyfriend. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. **

Chapter 11

"I vote we get pancakes at the diner." Summer barged into Taylor's room. She was sitting upright on the bed. Ryan was curled up next to her sleeping. She was just staring down at him even after Summer had come in the room.

"Atwood." Summer whispered walking over to the bed. Taylor looked up with tears in her eyes. "What is going on?" Summer asked. Ryan stirred a little.

"Nothing, we were just up last night talking and he fell asleep."

"Did you?" Summer sat down next to Taylor.

"Nope."

"So what'd you do all night?"

"I watched him."

"Well, if that's not creepy then I don't know what is." Summer laughed a little. "It's not creepy. He did this with me junior year. Remember when all of that stuff happened?" Taylor looked over at Summer. "Yeah, that was a crazy year."

"_Taylor." Ryan waved his hand in front of an absent-minded Taylor. "Huh?" She snapped out of her thoughts. "Where were you right then?" He laughed. "Here. What were you asking me?" She shook her head and took his hands. "If you wanted to just sleep here tonight?" He smiled a little. "No, I need to get home. My mom wanted to talk to me about something." She gave a weak smile before standing up from Ryan's bed. "Oh, okay. Just call me before you go to bed, okay?" He looked a little worried. "Don't be worried, I'm sure it's nothing." "Alright." _

"_I love you, Ryan." She kissed him before walking through the pool house doors. _

_To be honest Taylor was worried about going home. Her mom had never called and asked her to come home to 'talk.' Taylor opened the front door of her house before quietly walking towards the stairs. _

"_You're late." Veronica's voice boomed through the house. _

"_I'm sorry…" Taylor said quietly. "You were with that hoodlum again weren't you?" Veronica walked towards Taylor with her arms crossed around her chest. "Ryan." Taylor nodded. _

"_I don't know why you insist on being with that…that…boy from Chino." Veronica rolled her eyes. "I don't want to talk about Ryan, why did you want to talk to me?" Taylor stood still. _

"_Don't talk to me like that. You'll talk about him if I want you to." Veronica fussed. "So is this 'talk' about Ryan?" Taylor folded her arms. Veronica just gave her an evil grin before waltzing up the stairs to her room. _

_Taylor shook her head and pulled herself up the stairs and into her bedroom. The only place in that entire house she even felt remotely safe. Taylor plopped back on her bed. She grabbed her phone and dialed his number. She got his voicemail. _

"_Not here. But if this is Taylor, I love you. Leave a message." When Taylor had first heard his voicemail it had surprised her. Ryan wasn't much for outing his feelings like that. Sometimes Taylor would just call to hear his voicemail. It always made her feel better. _

"_My mom hasn't said anything yet, so I think I'm just going to bed. Love you, night." She sighed before flipping the cell phone closed. Taylor closed her eyes and laid her head back on her pillow. It was strangely quiet. Usually there was some sort of yelling or something, mostly glass, hitting the walls outside her room. Her phone suddenly started to ring. _

"_Hello?" She picked it up. "I had to call and make sure." He let out a small laughed. "I figured you would…" She trailed off looking up as her door opened abruptly. _

"_Get off the phone!" Bobby yelled. Taylor just stared at him. "Ryan, come get me." She whispered before he pulled the phone out of her hand and threw it across the room breaking it into a million different pieces. _

"_Always calling that Chino kid to rescue you. You know he won't always be there for you." Bobby forcefully pushed the blanket off of Taylor's legs. Taylor started to tremble. That look in his eyes told her she was about to get beat. Again. _

"_Please go away." She closed her eyes tightly tensing up her body at his touch. A slap to her face shut her up. Bobby grabbed Taylor's arms and threw her out of the comforts of her bed. She landed with a thump to the ground. Taylor pulled her legs up to her chest bracing herself for what was about to happen. She felt a kick against her back. Then his arms pulled her up to stand. He pushed her to stand up against the wall but her footing went wrong and she fell hitting her head on the nightstand knocking the lamp down with her. Bobby let out a laugh kicking her one last time before shutting her door fiercely. Taylor reached up to her head and felt blood. He had never pushed her so hard that she landed on something. Taylor tried standing up but she fell back to the floor. She crawled over to the wall and pulled her legs up to her chest. She started feeling dizzy. _

"_Taylor!" She felt his hands on her skin. Comfortable hands. Soft hands. Loving hands. Nothing like Bobby's. These hands were Ryan's. She didn't respond. Instead she let him pull her into him. She closed her eyes and everything suddenly fell silent. She wasn't sure why there were needles sticking out of her arms. Or why she was facing a room with white walls. Or why the people around her looked scared. She couldn't even remember what happened for her to be here. She let out a small whimper. There were those hands again. The one's she adored. His hands. _

"_You're up." He smiled putting his hand on her forehead. She nodded. _

"_Taylor, we have something to tell you." Sandy broke in after the doctors had checked her. Except for a concussion and some bruises Taylor was fine and could go home that night. "Yeah?" She took a sip of water as Ryan helped her out of the bed. "It's about Bobby…" _

"_What'd you do Ryan?" She faced her boyfriend. Ryan looked down busying himself with something. "That's not what we need to tell you. Taylor he's in jail." Sandy sighed. Taylor just looked up at him and smiled. "So, no more Bobby?" She grinned. _

"_There will be court and you'll have to get up on the stand and everything. But if everything goes smoothly then you won't have to worry about him." Sandy placed a hand on her shoulder. _

"_Wait, what about Veronica?" She asked. "That's the other thing…" _

"_She kicked you out. You'll be staying with us." Kirsten cut in. Taylor looked around the room. "Wait, she kicked me out?" Taylor looked at Ryan. She realized his eyes was practically swollen shut. "What happened to your face?" She asked kicking herself for not seeing it before. _

"_Don't worry about it." He gave her a smile. "Like hell. What happened to your face, Ryan?" She asked again forgetting all about her mother kicking her out. "Taylor." He groaned looking around the room. "You tried fighting him didn't you? Ryan!" She cried. _

"_Taylor, I couldn't just let him hurt you and not do anything!" _

"_He could have killed you! Ryan, why did you do this? I told you not to." She looked hurt. "I'm sorry…I just couldn't…" He trailed off searching for her eyes. _

"_I'm not happy with you." She pouted. "I'm sorry, please forgive me. God, Taylor you were so messed up when I found you. I couldn't leave that house without hurting him." She grabbed her hands. She just nodded. "I'm sorry." He pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. _

"_I love you." She whispered pulling him to kiss her. "I love you too. You're safe now. You'll never have to worry about him again." Ryan smiled kissing her softly. _

"Let's push this black cloud that's hanging over your head away and get some pancakes. I'm about to starve to death!" Summer hopped up from the bed forgetting that Ryan was still sleeping on it.

"Yeah, sure I'll meet you downstairs." Taylor nodded. She looked over at Ryan while Summer left the room. She had scooted closer to her. She reached over and pulled the covers over his body. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"I still love you." She whispered hoping to not wake him. When he didn't move she got up from the bed and smiled at him one last time before leaving the room. She hoped that everything would put itself back together. Because in all honesty she needed Ryan Atwood.


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't know if you've guess here but i'm not a Marissa fan. I've tried. I even tried writing a fic about her...but it totally didn't work since I didn't even get through the first paragraph. I think the flashback in this chapter's my favorite. **

Chapter 12

Taylor knocked on the pool house door that night. Ryan was sitting in the chair reading something. He looked up and saw her standing there. He walked to the door and opened it. "Hey." He whispered. "Hi." She waved a little.

"So, what's going on?" He stuffed his hands in his pockets as she walked past him. "Nothing. Just bored." She shrugged. He nodded and walked back to the chair he was sitting in before.

"What are you reading?" She asked sitting on the edge of the bed. "Nothing." He shrugged.

"Oh…" She pulled her legs up on the bed as she scooted back. "What are you doing?" He put the book on the table. "I was just going to watch you read." She shrugged. She loved watching him concentrate. That look on his face was so cute. He lifted an eyebrow as he saw the smile across her face.

"_Taylor, what are you doing?" Ryan questioned his girlfriend. "Exactly what you do when I'm doing something." She smiled as he walked over and sat down on the bed next to her. _

"_You mean staring at you?" He leaned in and kissed her. _

"_Yes. You are so adorable when you do that concentration thing with your face. Oh and when you look confused about something. That's cute too. Or when you're lost in thought. I like that one too. And then there's the one where you look at me. That's my favorite." She smiled. _

"_Is that so?" She grinned leaning into her for a kiss. "Yes, Mr. Atwood. It sure is." _

He walked over and sat next to her on the bed. "Are we going to be okay, Taylor?" He asked. "I think so." She nodded.

"Good, because I don't think I could handle us not being okay."

"Ryan?" She looked at him. "Yeah?"

"Can I see it?"

"What?" He asked confused. "Your leg. Can I see where you were shot?" She whispered.

"Are you sure? I mean…" He tilted his head. Ryan pulled his leg up on the bed and lifted the leg of his pants. He hadn't mentioned that he was shot more than once.

"I thought you said…" She trailed off looking up at him.

"I'm sorry." He saw that she was about to cry. He went to put his pants down.

"No." She stopped him scooting close to him. She traced the bullet wound on his knee to the one on his ankle.

"Ry." She whispered leaning over and kissing his leg. Her tears hit his leg but her kisses sent sparks through his body.

"You have to stop that." He pulled his leg away from her. "Sorry." Her face grew red. He just nodded and stood up. "You should…" He pointed to the door.

"Yeah. I should." She smiled weakly. God, he wanted her so bad. He hated that he couldn't have her like that yet. But he didn't want to push her.

"I love you." She kissed his cheek before walking towards the doors. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him. They were inches away from each other.

"I love you too." He kissed her softly. She pulled away after a few minutes and gave him a slight smile. "See you tomorrow?" She stood at the door.

"Of course. I'll see you in my dreams." He smiled.

"You better. Night." She waved and walked towards the main house. Ryan fell back on his bed fighting back the urge to run after her.

"So, I saw Taylor coming out of the pool house last night. Good thing?" Seth walked into the pool house where Ryan was putting his shirt on.

"I suppose." He shrugged holding back a smile. "I think it's time you two get back to normal. You're stressing me out." Seth joked.

"Ryan." Taylor walked into the pool house. He smiled widely over at her. "Taylor." Seth nodded over at her. "Hey Seth. Summer was looking for you." She pointed her thumb towards the house.

"Alright. See you later." He gave them a small wave before walking towards the house.

"Have any plans for today?" Taylor sat down in the chair across from his bed.

"Not that I know of." He walked towards her. "Good, because I think it's time we go to the beach." She gave him a smile.

"Sounds good." He nodded.

"I missed you so much." She kissed his cheek before leaving the pool house. Ryan couldn't understand how that girl could get him so riled up like that. So much he just wanted to jump her right then and there.

"Ready?" He walked into her room. She was turned around trying to tie the strings of her bathing suit around her neck.

"Yeah, can you get this?" She asked turning her head to look at him. Ryan took a deep breath before walking over and reached for the strings. His hand brushed up against her skin. After he tied it he just stood there. She was stiff in front of him. She put his hands on her shoulders and started kissing down her bare neck. He reached her back before she pulled away.

"Let's go." She gulped. She pulled a t-shirt of Ryan's over her head and pulled on a pair of shorts and followed him out of the guest room. "You still wear my shirts?" He asked her once they were sitting on their towels at the beach. Taylor was laying back with a pair of sunglasses over her eyes.

"I do." She nodded as he stood up and pulled his shirt off. She stared at him as he made his way down to the water. She wondered how she could resist that body of his. It was perfect. Then she saw the limp and her stomach sunk. "Taylor!" There was a yell from the other side of Taylor. She turned towards the voice. Marissa Cooper. Taylor instantly got a glare on her face at the tall blonde.

"What do you want?" She snapped at her. "Summer said you guys were down here." Marissa smirked. "Yeah, and?" Taylor sat up and pulled her sun glasses away. "And…I just wanted to come hang out." She shrugged. "Well, you're not welcomed."

"Are you ever going to get over it? I mean you have to admit you haven't been acting very wifely."

"Doesn't matter. Please leave."

"Marissa, what are you doing here?" Ryan was back. He looked down at Taylor and studied her body. He wasn't even paying attention to Marissa.

"Just wanted to hang out. The beach sounded like a great idea." She noticed Ryan wasn't looking at her but at Taylor.

"We were just leaving." Taylor stood up taking the towel with her. "You just got here." Marissa pointed out.

"And? I'd rather spend time alone with my HUSBAND than with you. I'm leaving. If Ryan wants to stay then whatever." She rolled her eyes not looking at Ryan who was following her towards the car.

"Taylor…" He caught up with her. She turned around and smiled at him. "Did you really think I wouldn't have come with you?" He laughed pulling her in by her waist.

"No." She leaned her head against his chest.

"Stay in the pool house tonight." He told her. "Okay." She nodded grabbing his hand.

"We should get back to the house. I'm hungry." He pulled away from her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Writer's block has decided to creep up on me today. I finished this last night and my internet went out so I couldn't post it. But here you are!**

Chapter 13

"This place wasn't the same without you." Taylor smiled over at Ryan when she entered the pool house that night. They had just had dinner with the Cohen's.

"The pool house?" He questioned pulling his t-shirt off. "Yeah." She whispered watching him intently. All she could think about was how amazing he still looked after the past year. Ryan pulled his jeans off and put on a pair of sweat pants over his boxers. Taylor was still watching. She had seen him do this so many times so she wondered why this time seemed different. Like it was the first time. She remembered the first time she ever saw him without his shirt on.

"_Taylor, are you okay?" It was the morning after she had come to the pool house. She had shown him her bruises just the night before. "No." She shook her head as tears stung her eyes. She sat up in the bed and pulled her knees up to her chest. _

"_Do you want me to get you something to eat?" He pointed towards the main house unsure of what to do. _

"_No, just…can you take me home?" She asked. He took a deep breath and nodded. He didn't want to take her back there but he couldn't argue with her. "I'm just going to change…" He trailed off and walked towards the bathroom. He had forgotten his shirt in the room. He walked out of the bathroom without his shirt on and over to the bed where Taylor was. He watched as her eyes trailed his body. _

"_Whoa." He heard her whisper. He cracked a smile. _

"_I'm sorry…I just…Oh God." She slapped her hand to her forehead. "Don't worry about it. I saw you. Only fair." He shrugged pulling the shirt on. "But that was different. I'm totally not looking at you in that sympathy way. In fact it's complete opposite." She confessed. _

"_In what way?" His lifted an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" She asked confused. "In what way are you looking at me? I mean without my shirt on." He didn't look the least bit nervous or embarrassed by what they were talking about. _

"_Well, not in the way you saw me last night. That's for sure. You definitely don't have bruises on that…amazing…body." Her eyes drifted over his body like she was undressing him with her eyes. He just nodded and walked over to the side of the bed she was on. He lifted her up by her arms careful not to hurt her. _

"_Even though I saw your bruises. I could still tell you are so beautiful underneath them." He whispered in her ear. She nodded pressing her forehead against his. She felt safe here. She felt safe with Ryan. _

"_You know…you should probably stop that because you're making me fall for you." She took a deep breath. She searched his eyes. She saw so many things in them. His lips were on hers before she knew it and she wrapped her arms around his neck. It was the most perfect first kiss. _

"We had our first kiss in here." She smiled. He looked up and gave her a small smile.

"It was a great first kiss." He nodded. "Yeah, even if it took you weeks to ask me on a date after that." She joked. "Hey. I was nervous." He laughed.

"That was something I just couldn't understand." She shook her head. "Why?" "Because when I first met you, you just seemed so sure of everything." She shrugged.

"Well I wasn't and I'm still not." He sighed walking over and pulling her to him by her waist. She tried pulling away but he wouldn't let her. "Where are you going?" He asked. "To get dressed for bed." She said simply. "Can I help?" He asked seriously.

"And what do you want to help with exactly?" She giggled. "Well. The undressing you part would be nice. Oh and maybe helping you get dressed. So all of it."

"Hmm. Maybe I'll let you."

"Really?" He was surprised. He was half expecting her to shut down and run from him. Maybe Taylor was coming back. That's all he wanted. All he wished for anymore.

"Yes. Now where to start?" She gave him a look. "Well we could start by taking your shirt off." He reached for the hem of her shirt lifting it slowly over her body then her head. "What next?" She whispered.

"Your pants." He reached down and unbuttoned them all the while keeping his eyes on hers. "Maybe my shoes first." She giggled. "Oh yeah we should get those too." He bent down breaking his gaze. He pulled them off of her feet before standing back up and staring back at her hazel eyes. "Now the pants." She whispered but he stopped.

"I can't…" He trailed off. "What?"

"Because if I keep at this I won't be able to stop…and I don't think we should…" He trailed off.

"Should what?" She backed up picking her shirt up off the floor. "You know…"

"Me either." She said sadly. "Taylor, I just don't want to push you. I don't think you're ready…"

"How can you tell me when I'm ready?" She snapped at him.

"Taylor." He tried but she was already walking out of the pool house. "Don't run away again." "I'm not running Ryan." She shook her head. "Then what do you call this?" He asked.

"You know what I think?" She asked. "What?"

"I think we should go on a date." She smiled. His heart dropped. He could have sworn she was about to say something terrible.

"What?" He stuttered. "A date. I think we should work our way to the pool house to do more than just sleep. So I think a date would be nice." She walked towards him. "A date." He repeated.

"Yes. Good night, Ryan." She kissed his cheek and walked back into the pool house. Leaving him puzzled once again. "I did say I'd sleep here tonight. You can sleep on the floor." She grinned. He groaned. "Or you can sleep on one side and I'll sleep on the other."

"That would work." He nodded.

"Don't you dare touch me, mister. We haven't even gone on a first date yet." She giggled. "You amaze me." He shook his head. "That's what I'm going for. Now I'm tired. Get in bed."

"Good night." He kissed her before getting comfortable on his side of the bed. He turned away from her and waited until she was asleep.

When he realized she was sleeping he turned over to stare at her. She was facing him. She looked peaceful and beautiful. He just wanted to reach out and pull her close but he couldn't and that pained him. But he'd do whatever possible to be able to hold her while she slept again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Super short. But just thought i'd go ahead and post it. I'm so stuck with Learn To Love Again. It's terrible so i'm writing busying myself with this story until I can think of something for my other one. Suggestions for that one or this one are much appreciated. THANKS FOR THE AMAZING REVIEWS BTW!**

Chapter 14

"RYAN! Get up!" Taylor jumped out of the bed after looking down at her hand and realizing her wedding ring was no longer there. "Huh?" He said walking into the pool house. "Ryan, it's not here!" She cried tearing the bed apart. She started to panic. She never took her ring off. EVER.

"What?" He sat up quickly giving her a confused look.

"Oh God, Oh God." She started pacing the room. "What is going on?" He asked her pulling his hand through his hair. "My wedding ring!" She cried.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's gone! It was on my hand yesterday. Ryan I never take it off! Ever!" She said loudly searching the pool house. "Maybe it fell off." He walked over to where she was.

"Why would it fall off?"

"That's the only explanation I can think of, Taylor." He shrugged. "Why are you not freaked out about this? Because I am." She looked at him.

"Why would I be freaked out?" He asked.

"Because it's a sign!" She cried.

"A sign? Taylor, I don't believe in signs. I'm sure it's around here somewhere."

"I need to check the house. I need my ring back!" She rushed out of the pool house.

He took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. He smiled to himself as he pulled the ring out of his pocket. While she was sleeping the night before he had gently taken the ring off of her finger carefully to not wake her. He was getting it engraved and he'd put it back on her finger the night of their 'date.'

That wedding ring meant everything to Taylor. It was her hope that they could last through it all. Now it wasn't on her hand anymore and it was scaring her to death. She knew it was silly to lose hope over losing a wedding ring but she needed all of the hope she could get in her relationship with Ryan.

"Have you seen it?" Taylor rushed into Seth's room. Summer was sitting on his bed reading a magazine. "Seen what?" She put the magazine down. "My wedding ring! You know, gold band that has set on my finger for a little over a year. It's missing." Taylor started pacing the length of the bedroom.

"Calm down, Taylor. I'm sure it's around here somewhere." Summer shrugged.

"This can't be happening." Taylor stopped and looked at Summer.

"You're totally over-reacting." Summer tried to hide a giggle. She knew exactly where the ring was. That morning before Taylor had woken up Ryan had come into the kitchen and told her and Seth what he was going to do. Taylor shook her head and exited the room. She was going to find that ring. She just had to.

"Sandy, Kirsten I was wondering if you guys have seen my wedding ring?" Taylor walked into the kitchen a little frantic in case the ring was somewhere she didn't want to miss it. "No, did you take it off?" Kirsten questioned. "No! I never take it off." Her voice hitched a little.

"It was on my hand yesterday. I remember seeing it. Then I was doing dishes. Oh God it fell down the drain!"

"I can check for you, if you like." Sandy spoke up. "Please! I just need to find it!" Taylor spoke.

"I'm sure it's around here somewhere." Kirsten assured her. Once Taylor had left the room Kirsten looked at her husband and smiled. "She's so distraught over losing that ring. Ryan better hurry up and give that ring back before she tears our house apart."

"Uhm, Taylor what are you doing?" Ryan limped into the living room where his wife was busy pulling the cushions out of the couch. "If you must know, Ryan I am looking for my ring!"

"Taylor, calm down." He laughed a little. "No, that's not going to happen. Not until I find that ring." She was determined.

He just laughed and reached into his pocket to feel the ring. It wasn't there. His face paled. "What is it?" She looked up. "Nothing…I just I left something in the pool house." He turning around and walked swiftly into the pool house. He started pulling the blankets of the bed up. He just had it not ten minutes ago. It was in his hand. Then he put it in his pocket. Great. Just great. He started to panic. Taylor walked into the pool house flustered.

"I have to find that ring! It means too much to me." She sighed. He just nodded hoping he could find it before she did.


	15. Chapter 15

**Didn't think i'd be able to get this chapter out of my brain. I've been having trouble with it. But i did start another story. I'm getting ahead of myself. hmm. Onward with the chapter!**

Chapter 15

"How could you lose it?! Ryan you were supposed to take it right away!" Summer threw her hands up in the air as she helped Ryan search the pool house. Taylor had gone to the grocery store real quick to get her mind off of losing her ring. It probably wasn't helping but it was something to get her out of the house.

"It couldn't have gotten far, Summer. I just had it in the pool house and then I stuck it on the edge of the sink…" His eyes suddenly bulged. "I thought you said you put it back in your pocket." Summer sat up.

"I thought I did too. But now I remember I went to take a shower. God, I'm so dumb." He slapped his hand to his forehead. "Well go see if it's in there!" Summer demanded following him.

"Summer, it's gone." He looked at her. "What do you mean?" I mean it's not on the edge of the sink where I left it!" "Did it fall down the drain?" Summer asked quickly.

"We have to get it out!"

"I don't know anything about drains, Ryan! How do you expect me to get it!" She cried. "I don't know but we can't do anything unless Taylor isn't here!"

"She just texted me and said she's on her way back. Look I'll stall her and you do whatever possible to get that ring out of there." She pointed towards the bathroom sink before leaving Ryan alone. "I can't believe this." He said under his breath leaning against the sink.

"Smart one, Ryan. Next time you should just throw it in there, I mean it's about the same." Seth paced the small bathroom while Ryan tried to figure out how to take the sink apart. "Seth." He warned.

"Maybe you should call someone to come out or dad could you know help…I mean Ryan you aren't exactly a plumber."

"You're right. I just have to get that ring." He sighed sitting back. He got up and walked into the main house. "Sandy, I really need your help." Ryan said desperately.

"What is it, son?" He asked the distraught boy. "Well, it just so happens Taylor's ring is down the drain in my bathroom sink." Sandy chuckled at him. "Not funny." Ryan sent a not so mean glare Sandy's way. "Ryan it is funny. Now come on, and I'll see what I can do."

"Without that ring, it's like we aren't even married." Taylor throws her hands up into the air. Summer had met her at the front door and asked her to take a walk. She just nodded needing to talk to someone. "That's ridiculous." Summer laughs a little. It's really not that funny.

"My hand feels naked without it." Taylor touches the spot her ring should be sitting. "Taylor, you're going to find it. Promise." Summer's not so sure.

Now that Ryan has lost it who knows where that ring could be. All Summer knew was Ryan had to find that ring fast or he'd be wife-less at the rate Taylor was going.

"GOT IT!" Sandy exclaims holding up the shiny gold ring. Ryan takes a deep breath and smiles. "Don't forget to thank Jesus and Moses, Ryan." Seth jokes. "Yeah well, I'll thank anyone at this point." Ryan holds the ring.

"_One day I'm going to marry you." It was out of nowhere. It was beginning of senior year before Ryan had even made the decision to join the Army. "And how are you so sure I'd say yes?" She gave him a smile. "Because you love me and you can't live without me." _

"_You're pretty sure of yourself there mister." _

"_You know it's true." They were sitting on the sand looking out at the ocean. _

"_You're right." She whispered and buried her face into his chest. "So, when I do ask you will you say yes?" He asked. "_

_Of course, but I'm pretty sure that's awhile away." She smiles and kisses his cheek. "If we do get married promise you'll never leave me." He said seriously. _

"_That is one thing I will promise over and over again." _

"Taylor." Ryan smiled wide when his wife walks through the pool house doors. It'd been twenty minutes since they got the ring out of the drain. The bathroom was currently a disaster but she didn't have to know that. She just gives him a puzzled look and plops down on the bed. She looks rather defeated.

"What's wrong?" He questions. "Oh nothing, I just lost the symbol of our love." She starts messing with her fingernails. The ring was no longer in his possession. He had given it to Sandy to take it to the jewelers. He didn't want to get Taylor suspicious if he wasn't there when she got back.

"Taylor we don't need a ring to symbolize how much we love each other." He tries.

"I know that but it just…I want it back." She takes a deep breath. "You'll get it back, Taylor." He assures her.

"So, you're not mad that I lost it?" She asked forgetting her ring wasn't on her finger until she went to twirl it. "Not at all." He smiles. Of course he isn't. He's the one who took it.

_The diner was full of people today. Only one booth was empty so Taylor made sure to rush to it before no one else had. This morning Ryan had asked her to meet him at the diner after she went shopping with Summer. He said he needed to talk to her. Tell her something and he said it was something big. That only got Taylor worrying about what he had to tell her. They'd been together for so long and she was just praying he wasn't breaking up with her. That would be very awkward with them living in the same house and all. _

_She spotted him walking towards her through the crowd of people. He looked like he had been going through something emotionally. "What's wrong?" Taylor instantly asked as he sat down. _

"_I'm starving." He looked around not meeting her gaze. "No subject changing, mister. What's so big?" She asked already getting impatient. _

"_After we eat." He says simply. "I'm not hungry." She folds her arms over her chest thinking maybe if she didn't eat he'd tell her quicker. _

"_Fine but I'm still waiting until after I eat." He shrugs as the waitress rushes over to them. Taylor rolls her eyes and orders something even though she just said she wasn't hungry. _

"_I thought you weren't hungry." Ryan quirked an eyebrow after they had ordered. "Yeah, well I need to occupy the time between now and when you tell me this big news." She says in a pissed off manner. "Taylor." He reaches for her hands across the table. _

"_What is it, Ryan? I just want to know! I'm freaking out here. You're breaking up with me aren't you?" She can't think of any other reason he'd ask her here. _

"_Of course not!" He says sounding a little offended. "Then what is it?! Are you pregnant? Did you kill someone? Do you want to spice up our sex life? WHAT?" She demands not wanting to wait anymore. He just shakes his head. _

"_How are any of those big news, and pregnant? Taylor, you're insane." He's laughing at her. She just gets more pissed off. _

"_What's so big that you have to keep me guessing? Keep me wondering?" She asks him loudly. _

"_I joined the Army!" He says it harshly. Taylor gasps not being prepared for that one. "Excuse me?" She leans forward. _

"_You heard me, Taylor! Are you happy I told you? I figured we'd get to spend a little time together before I broke the news." He puts his head in his hands preparing for whatever is about to happen with him and his girlfriend. _

"_Wait, so you joined the army without talking to me first?" _

"_Why would I have to talk to you first?" He asks her. "If you have to ask that than you are completely dumb, Ryan! What about Berkeley? What about us? Did you even think about how I'd react to this?" She wants to get up and leave but she needs to hear his answer. She needs to hear why he did this. _

"_Of course I thought about you, Taylor and as for Berkeley it will always be there when I get home. I thought about us, it was my biggest con for joining. I wouldn't do anything to break us apart. If we can last through this, we can last through anything." He says calmly searching for something in her eyes. _

"_And what if I don't want us to last?" She asks without really thinking first. "What do you mean?" _

"_I mean we're done." She hasn't thought this through, she'll regret it when she wakes up in the morning but right now it's all she can think of to do. He just made this huge life changing decision without her. There was no way she could stay with him after that._

"So about that date…" Ryan looks at Taylor. She looks lost in through. "Remember when I broke up with you after you told me about the army?" She asks out of nowhere.

"Yeah, why?" He asks confused. "Did you think we'd be okay after it all?" She asked him. Ryan pulled her close to him.

"Well, I was worried for that month. You wouldn't even speak to me but deep down I knew we'd get through it all. Just like we're going to get through this. So about that date, I was thinking tomorrow night. Is that okay with you?" He asks and she gives him a weak smile.

"That's perfect." She says pecking him on the lips. Then she stands up and leaves Ryan alone in the pool house.


	16. Chapter 16

**I haven't written for this story in awhile. I just haven't had the motivation for it but i do now because I know exactly where I will be going with it. I'm making the date a few chapters because by the end of it the story will be over. I do have an epilogue in mind after it's over though. **

Chapter 16

_Taylor had big hopes for her first day with Ryan. Sure they'd shared many kisses and fooled around a little bit but they still hadn't gone on a date after a month of seeing each other. Well technically they weren't together but Taylor was going to make sure by the end of the night that they would make it official. _

_She was tired of waiting for him to make that move, after all it had taken him a full month to ask her on a date and that was with her pushing him a little. Taylor was pacing the length of her foyer ten minutes after Ryan was supposed to show up for their date. _

_She was nervous and she wasn't even sure why. She had no idea where they were going. He refused to tell her but according to Seth it was something big. Well that's what Seth told Summer anyway. _

_Taylor glanced at the time on her cell phone. 13 minutes late. Now she was nervous. She started thinking that maybe something had happened to him. That maybe he wrecked on his way over or something completely tragic. She realized she probably shouldn't think about those kinds of things. But he was late and there was no way that she couldn't. Ryan wasn't the type to be late to something, especially when it concerned her. If he was even the slightest bit late he'd call or at least answer her calls. But he wasn't doing either right now. Then she heard the Range Rover pull into the driveway._

_All of her worries were settled. "May I ask why you are late?" Taylor put her hands on her hips after she had come out of the house. He hadn't even stepped out of the Range Rover yet. "I'm sorry. Sandy had the Range Rover and I had to wait for him to come back." Ryan explained. He looked nervous, more nervous than Taylor had ever seen him before. She had to admit it was kind of cute. "It's fine, I was just worried. You didn't call so I assumed the worst." She smiled when he reached her at the top of the steps. "Seth pushed me into the pool and my phone was in my pocket." _

"_Why would he do a thing like that?" Taylor wrapped her arms around his neck. "Because he thinks he can. Come on, let's go." He kissed her on the lips before breaking away and walking towards the Range Rover. _

Taylor paced her room a few times. She wasn't sure why she was nervous, her and Ryan had been on plenty of dates in the 4 years they had been together. Sure the past year they hadn't but before that they did. Taylor had spent practically her whole day getting ready making sure not to run into Ryan. She had succeeded. According to Summer he wasn't even home.

She started asking why but of course Summer refused to tell her. She had even tried Seth a few times but that didn't work either. Suddenly the door to the room burst open. Ryan appeared smiling. He was wearing the button down shirt that Taylor loved so much on him.

"Ready?" He asked her. "Yes, I am." She smoothed her dress out before he grabbed her hand. "You look amazing." He placed a kiss on the side of her head. "You don't look so bad yourself." She smiled as they walked towards the stairs to leave for their date.

Ryan was nervous. He was just as nervous as he had been the night he had taken Taylor on their first date. The night that had turned into something wonderful for the both of them. He planned for this night to do the same. To show Taylor that he still loved her. To make her know he was okay and would never leave her again. Once they were in the Range Rover Taylor started asking questions. Ryan wasn't answering any. Not even a nod or a shake of the head. He kept his eyes on the road ignoring his wife. "Close your eyes." He tells her about five minutes before they reach their destination. "That sounds all too familiar." Taylor says under her breath covering her eyes with her fingers. Ryan laughed at her knowing she would be peaking just like she always did. The girl couldn't handle a surprise. _"_

_Can you not handle a surprise, Taylor?" Ryan groaned looking over at the girl he was quickly falling for. She was peaking through the fingers Ryan had asked her to put over her eyes. _

"_It's not fair, why can't I see?" She whines. "Because." Is all he says as he laughs at her. _

"_Do not laugh at me, Ryan. I'm nervous. This is all making me nervous since I have no idea where we are or what we're about to do." Taylor fussed at him. Ryan reached over and put his hand on Taylor's leg. _


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm sure you're used to my short chapters by now. Next chapter you'll get what actually happens on the date. **

Chapter 17

"Tell me about it." Taylor's voice had caught Ryan off guard. He hadn't been expecting her to say anything. They were only seconds away from their destination.

"About what?" He questioned.

"Iraq." That was the first time she had asked Ryan about his experience over seas. He wasn't sure if he wanted to tell her everything. He wasn't even sure he wanted to tell her any of it. He could spare her the pain that she'd feel knowing what had happened over there. It was a terrible experience, one that haunts Ryan in his dreams.

"What about it?" He was stalling trying to think of something to say to her.

"Ryan, you know what I mean." She was whining. Of course he knew what she meant he was just ignoring that fact.

"I don't want to talk about it." That was the truth, maybe he'd save this discussion for another day. Not tonight. Tonight was supposed to be special, it was supposed to make Taylor realize she was still madly and deeply in love with him. He didn't want to ruin the night with such terrible talk.

"That's not fair." She huffed.

"It's very fair." He didn't have any sort of emotion in his voice when he spoke. He wanted this discussion to be over now.

"Whatever." She said angrily. He had already managed to piss her off. He groaned knowing that unless he told her how things were over that they she wouldn't be happy the rest of the night. He parked the vehicle in the parking spot in front of their destination. He turned the car off and took a deep breath running his hand through his short hair.

"It was terrible, Taylor. Scary and I'll never be able to get those images out of my head. The smell…it was enough to make anyone sick. All of those bodies…the blood. I spent my nights tossing and turning barely being able to sleep afraid of getting bombed or something, I don't know I was just afraid. I've never felt like that before in my life and I never want to feel that feeling again. Then the shot to my leg…to be honest it was like a miracle. I don't think I could have lasted another year over there…I know you're angry with me for getting hurt but it isn't all enough that I'm home and safe?"

"Wow." Taylor wasn't expecting him to talk so much. She had figured he'd say a couple of words then that would be the end of that. She wanted to take her hands off of her eyes so she could look into his eyes but part of her didn't want to see him hurting as he remembered everything that had happened to him.

"Yeah, see this is why I didn't want to tell you."

"But I wanted to know. Now where are we?" Taylor changed the subject knowing she'd have to cover the subject at a different time.

"That was a quick change of subject." He laughed clicking his seatbelt off.

"I'm just ready to see what you've got planned." She said excitedly.

"I bet." He smiled knowing she couldn't see his smile. He got out of the Range Rover and made his way to the other side. He opened the door and helped Taylor get out making sure she kept her eyes covered.

-

"_Ryan Atwood if you do not let me look I am going to scream!" Taylor cried as Ryan got her out of the Range Rover taking his hands and covering her eyes with them. He led her to the spot they would be having dinner at. He was nervous. His hands were probably sweating against her eyelids but he didn't care. He just wanted this to be perfect for their first date._

_-_

"Please tell me I can look now." Taylor whined.

"Calm down." He laughed wrapping his arm around her waist to guide her. "I love you." He whispered in her ear as he guided her. He looked up and saw a smile spread across her lips.

"I'm glad." She laughed.

"That's a great response." He joked.

"The best." He could feel her body tremble underneath his touch. He missed just being able to touch her skin. He missed feeling her body against his. The way her body would mold to his. He just missed all of her.

"Okay, now you can look." He released his arm from her waist. She took a few seconds to take her hands off of her eyes. He realized that her eyes were still closed though.

"I'm scared." She whispered. He laughed pulling her to his body.

"There is nothing to be scared of. Just open your eyes." He says low in her ear.

-

"_Can I look now?" Taylor asked once they stopped. Ryan took a deep breath and took his hands off of her eyes. _

"_Yes."_

"_Oh my God." She said under her breath. Ryan grabbed her hand and pulled her into him._

"_Do you like it?" He asked._

"_I love it." She grinned._


	18. Chapter 18

**Whoa, never thought i'd get this out. Actually wrote it in half an hour. hmm, you can probably tell that at how rushed it is. Anyway, I'm terrible at the whole mushy-gushy romance stuff so which is why this happens instead...**

Chapter 18

Taylor knew she should open her eyes but her opening her eyes to this was much bigger than just opening them to look at the date Ryan had prepared for them. Her opening her eyes meant so much more than that this time around than it had their first date.

Back then she was only opening her eyes to a small relationship that she wasn't even sure would even last.

Now she would be opening her eyes to face that door of forever, again.

She wasn't scared in the sense that she didn't want to be with Ryan. She was scared as in terrified that once they took that step forward again that something bad would happen thus messing up their marriage more than it already was.

Taylor knew that their distance ever since Ryan had been home was her fault. She knew that if she had only excepted him leaving her that they wouldn't be going through this right now.

He had counted on her to be there for him when he returned home from war and she let him down. She let him down by crying so much and refusing to look at him at times. She wasn't the wife to Ryan as she had imagined herself being.

She also hadn't really imagined herself married to him just right out of high school.

But, she knew life took unexpected turns. And her life was no exception.

"Just open your eyes." He whispered in her ear. "Please, Taylor." He was now pleading with her but she stood firm in her spot shaking her head.

"What if something bad happens? What if you leave again?" She whispers. She knows he's probably confused at her questions but they had just come out without her thinking properly first. "I can't handle you leaving again."

"I'm not leaving again." She felt his hand touch her face and she instantly felt better.

"Promise?" She whispers.

"Promise." She feels his lips on her forehead right before she decides to open her eyes. "Actually, before you look I want to give you something back." She can't see anything besides him in front of her. All she knows is wherever they are they are outside and it's dark. Ryan rakes her hand and makes her hold it out with her palm facing up. She looks at him strangely before she feels the familiar cold in her hand.

Her eyes widen as she looks down to see her wedding ring.

"Read it." He whispers. Taylor brings it up to her face and reads the script on the inside of the ring. Inside of the ring said the date of their wedding - Forever.

She wasn't sure if she should be happy or really pissed off that he had the ring the entire time making her go crazy searching the entire house for it. She opts for being happy.

Ryan takes the ring from her and slips it back on her finger.

"I love you." He whispers resting his hands on her hips.

"I love you, too." She said back laying her head on his chest forgetting about their date completely. "So, I know you had this whole thing planned for us tonight but…I would so much rather be in bed with you right now." She pushed her head off of him and looked into his eyes. She watched as he chuckled before picked her up and having her wrap her legs around his waist. For a second she was worried that with his hurt leg he couldn't carry her weight like that but his face showed no pain just a huge smile.

"You sure about that?" He asked her.

"Maybe." She giggled before pressing her lips onto his. "Or…we can do what you planned tonight…" She broke away from him.

"I actually planned to do this." He whispered before bringing his face back to hers and kissing her lips gently, then passionately.

-

"So you mean you planned to take me to bed? That was your big date?" Taylor laughed tracing circles on her husbands bare chest.

"Not exactly but I think I liked that much better than what I had planned." He kissed the top of her head.

Taylor started wondering how she had gone a whole year without seeing or touching Ryan. That's when she remembered that month that she hadn't spoken to Ryan after he told her that he was going in the army.

She remembered this was the exact same thing that happened that night he made all of those promises to her about coming back from the war healthy as ever.

-

"_I love how we haven't had barely any contact with each other in the past month and then once we do decide to talk again we're already in your bed….naked/" She giggled to her boyfriend. Ryan smiled at her realizing that he wouldn't get to see her for so long once he left. He realized that that month he had spent without her talking to him was hell and he hated it more than anything. It was even worse since she lived in the same house as he did. _

"_Yeah, well, that's fine with me." He pulled her on top of him. "I don't think we should leave this bed until I have to leave." That mood was instantly ruined._

"_Don't bring up you leaving, please Ryan." Taylor pushed herself off of him rolling her eyes at him._

"_Sorry." He leaned over and grabbed her waist making her squeal. "Won't bring it up again." He murmured into her neck. _

"_Promise me that when that does happen…when you leave…that you'll come home to me in one piece. Completely healthy, not one scratch on your amazing body." _

"_I promise." She really believed that the promise Ryan had just given her was true. _

_-_

"What did you have planned for tonight exactly?" She asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"Nothing like this." He whispered taking her head and kissing her lips once more never wanting to forget the feeling of her lips on his ever again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Pretty sure next chapter's the last one...it will most likely be a few years after this.**

Chapter 19

"So, please give me good news." Summer looks at Taylor across the table they are sitting at. Summer had dragged Taylor out of bed to bring her to the diner so they could talk without Seth or Ryan around.

"Well…if you must know Ryan and I…we're going to be okay…we have so much to talk about still but I'm pretty sure we'll work through this. God, Summer, I don't know how I went without sex for over a year!" Taylor gushed. Summer wrinkled her nose. That's not exactly what she wanted to hear. The last thing she wanted was that mental image of two people who felt much like family to her. "Don't wrinkle your nose at me, Summer Roberts." Taylor giggled.

"What would you say if I told you Seth asked me to marry him?" Summer grinned brightly at Taylor. Taylor looked at her strangely before breaking into her own grin. She squealed and reached over to hug Summer.

"Please tell me you said yes." Taylor held her at arms length just making sure she was congratulating her correctly.

"Of course I said yes." Summer rolled her eyes at Taylor before Taylor brought her in for another hug.

"When's the wedding then?" Taylor asked digging into her pancakes.

"Three years." Summer stated.

"Wow…"

"Yeah…we just want to be out of school and everything at that point…we figure it'd be best for the both of us." Summer nodded as the waitress put her pancakes down in front of her.

-

"Details, brother." Seth rubbed his hands together sitting on the chair across from Ryan's bed. Ryan was sitting on the edge putting his shoes on to meet Taylor at the diner.

"Details?" Ryan raised an eyebrow. He wasn't sure he wanted to give Seth the details of last night.

"Well…sort of. Leave out the sex and stuff." Seth said.

"Then you get nothing." Ryan grinned at Seth.

"What happened to that insane date you planned for you two?" Seth sat back in the chair curiously.

"We didn't really get to that…" Ryan shrugged.

"Wow…"

"That's exactly how I feel." Ryan grinned thinking back to the night before with his wife. He then remembered the morning and how neither of them had wanted to get up. It was far too comfortable in the other's arms.

-

"_What are we going to do in the fall, Ry?" Taylor looked up into her husbands eyes. She couldn't believe how amazing it felt to be back in his arms. _

"_Berkeley." He spoke confidently. Taylor smiled wide before attacking his lips with her own._

"_You mean it?!" She asked._

"_Of course."_

"_I love you so much, Ryan! How about we forget the rest of today…blow off Summer and Seth…just spend it together." She laid her head back on Ryan's bare chest._

"_I'd love to do that, babe but…you know we can't. How about this…we spend the whole afternoon in bed. We'll ditch Seth and Summer around 4." _

"_Sounds perfect. Do not back out on me, Ryan Atwood."_

"_Don't plan on it. Now let's get in the main house. Pretty sure Sandy and Kirsten are going to ask questions."_

-

Taylor grinned thinking back to that morning walking into the main house of the Cohen's wearing Ryan's t-shirt and a pair of his sweatpants.

-

"_Good Morning!" Taylor spoke happily. She hadn't been this happy in so long. It felt good to feel like this._

"_Taylor?" Kirsten raised an eyebrow at the girl._

"_Yes?" Taylor poured herself some orange juice before walking over and sitting on a stool at the counter. She felt Ryan's warm body behind her. She trusted him enough to lean back. She knew he'd never let her fall. _

"_So, I'm taking the date went well." Sandy grinned about the rim of his coffee cup. Ryan let out a small chuckle while Taylor blushed insanely._

"_You could say that…" Ryan received a light slap on his arm for that by the woman he loved. _

_-_

"Why'd we even agree to spend the day with Seth and Summer?" Ryan moaned kissing his way down Taylor's body.

"Seth asked Summer to marry him." Ryan instantly stopped what he was doing in surprise.

"He what?" Ryan was a little disappointed that his brother hadn't told him. He was sure that once Seth had finally decided to propose that he'd want to have some Seth/Ryan time and whine about all the reasons Summer wouldn't marry him or why he shouldn't ask her just yet.

"He didn't tell you?" Taylor pulled his face up to meet hers so their noses were touching.

"Nope." He shook his head at her.

"Aww, poor baby." She laughed before flipped to be on top of Ryan.

He raised an eyebrow when all she did was straddle his legs and lay her head on his chest.

"It feels so good to just do this…" Taylor whispered into his chest.

"I know what you mean." He wrapped his arms around her body.

"I'm sorry, Ry. I'm sorry I thought that you weren't the same after you got shot…it just hurt so bad to see you like that…" Taylor knew she shouldn't cry right now. She tried not to but she really couldn't help it thinking about how idiotic she was being before ignoring Ryan like she had been.

"You're here now so that's all that matter's to me…" He ran his hand through her hair.

"You're right…I'm here now…and you're here…and I'll never ever have to dream about you again because I'll have the real thing by my side forever." She grinned widely again.

"Forever." He repeated kissing her.


	20. Chapter 20

**It's over. Not the ending I had hoped for but it's all done...Thank you to all of my reviewers through this...**

Chapter 20 - Last Chapter

"I hate you, Ryan Atwood." Taylor Atwood snarled through gritted teeth as she felt another contraction coming on. This was really not how she wanted to spend her 21st birthday. "Once this kid is out I'm going to strangle you're neck so hard you'll never be able to breath again." Taylor spoke as the contraction subsided.

Ryan chuckled at his wife while she laid in the hospital bed only dilated 5 centimeters. This had been a long day and was only seeming to get longer. He had woken up at 5 am by Taylor to take her to the hospital. Its currently almost 2 pm and barely anything has changed. Only recently had she started yelling for drugs. They were refusing to give her anything. Ryan swore she almost stabbed the last nurse, that had attempted to calm her down, with the pencil she had been gripping. That pencil was quickly taken away from Taylor.

The past 9 months had been hell. Moving to Berkeley Taylor's 2nd month of pregnancy right after an earthquake that had moved Sandy and Kirsten out of Newport as well. Summer and Seth went back to Rhode Island even though Taylor had begged Summer to stay and go to Berkeley claiming that if she had to spend the next 7 months pregnant with Ryan she would end up gutting him with a pair scissors. Taylor had taken on a whole new meaning of bitch the second she got pregnant.

She had spent the past four months whining about everything possible, well when she wasn't throwing dishes at her husbands head.

She had even made him stay at Sandy and Kirsten's place. That was until Kirsten found out she was pregnant. She was due a month after Taylor.

Ryan wasn't sure how to handle two hormonal pregnant women.

This was worse than war, way worse.

"Are you sure you hate me?" he took her hand sitting down next to her.

"Yes, because instead of being in this hospital bed I should be getting shit-faced drunk right now." Taylor frowned.

"You don't even like to drink." He pointed out.

"Doesn't mean I can't start now. That was the past." She yanked her hand away from his crossing her arms over her chest in a pout. "When is this kid coming out?" she cried right before another contraction hit.

Ryan swore his fingers were broken the second Taylor had released the hand she took as soon as the contraction hit.

"How about I take you out after you're better? You can get shit-faced." He grinned.

"No, because you'll take advantage of me and we'll have sex that could result in another one of these." She pointed to her stomach.

"Trust me, I'll do whatever possible to not get another one of those." He pointed her stomach.

"What's that mean?" he knew he should have kept his stupid mouth shut. "You don't want anymore kids?" stupid Ryan. Now she looked upset. Like she could cry.

"Maybe like ten years from now..." he suggested.

"In ten years I'll be old."

"31. Lots of 31 year olds have kids. Heck, Kirsten's 41 and having another kid."

"Kirsten's a freak of nature." Taylor growled.

Ryan smiled at Taylor. He kept wondering how he had gone that whole year without seeing her, without touching her, without being next to her. He knows he never wants to know how that feels again, because right now right here is where he belongs. Nowhere else.

Even if having Taylor screaming at him and telling him she hates him means he's still with her then he'd take it.

He never wants to know what it's like without her again.


End file.
